You got 'Punk'd'

I spent the weekend at Kilroy's Sports Bar watching football. No, I mean the whole weekend. Sixteen hours, 13 pitchers of beer (that I can remember), 18 chicken wings, 20-something televisions and two blood-shot eyes later, here is what I have to report:\nDid anyone else who watched the IU-Oregon game keep waiting for Ashton Kutcher to run onto the field and tell our players they had just been "Punk'd?" But seriously, great win for Gerry and the boys -- now really impress me by winning two-in-a-row on the road.\nThe University of Southern California and quarterback Matt Leinart got back on track, and the Trojans added more than 300 yards on the ground. Impressive, but it would have been even better if they hadn't been playing a high school team.\nFlorida State lost to Miami; apparently someone forgot to tell Chris Rix that the game had been moved to Friday. I don't think he even showed up. Two experts on ESPN picked him as their preseason Heisman Trophy favorite, but unless they give an award for most disappointing college career, I don't think Mr. Rix will be taking home any hardware in December.\nIn the pro ranks, the Lions beat the Bears in one of the ugliest games I have ever seen. Who decided that Rex Grossman and Joey Harrington could lead their franchises? These guys make Allen Iverson look like General Patton. \nPeyton Manning did what he does best -- he lost to the Patriots. It is truly amazing -- he plays like Ryan Leaf whenever Tom Brady and his chin are in the same zip code as the Colts. \nThe Bengals lost in Carson Palmer's debut, but the kid looked good. The problem came when a slowly decomposing Curtis Martin ran for nearly 200 yards for the Jets; I thought Marvin Lewis was supposed to be a defensive genius.\nDrew Brees played mistake-free football -- that's a first -- and the Chargers won on the road against the Texans. You know Drew, if you had played like this last year, the team would never have had to go through the whole Eli-Archie-Philip Rivers thing.\nSpeaking of Miss Elisha Manning, the Giants dropped their game, literally. Kurt Warner and Manning fumbled a combined three times. Hey Eli, hope all your whining about San Diego was worth it when the New York media starts in on you. \nTerrell Owens and Donovan McNabb hooked up for three touchdowns in the game. They made carving up the Giants' secondary look easier than Paris Hilton after a few drinks.\nThe Ravens got smacked around by the Browns and failed to score a touchdown. But to be fair, Brian Billick is a genius, just ask him. Deion had a pretty quiet debut -- he only missed three open-field tackles that I saw. Not a bad day for 'Primetime' at all.\nThe Redskins won in the return of Joe Gibbs. Clinton Portis had a 64-yard touchdown on his first carry of the game. No, Mr. Shanahan, it was a great trade, seriously. \nThe Broncos beat the Chiefs; somewhere Dick Vermeil is crying.\nIt was a rough weekend for me -- I'm physically tired, mentally drained and I think I have to burn my clothes just to get rid of the smell of cigarettes and stale beer. It is going to take me at least a week to recover, and who knows if I'll even make it to class this week. I don't think I will ever be able to set foot in a sports bar ever again ... until Saturday of course.