Sticker me, baby

Going to class today, I cut through the Jordan Avenue parking garage. People at IU are funny -- and they like bumper stickers. I counted almost 50 (yes, I was almost late for class). \nI like bumper stickers. They're like tattoos for your car. My car has 20 or so -- just little stickers that say things I like. I have one that reads: "Don't hold strong opinions about things you don't understand." I have the Truffle Shuffle kid from the movie "The Goonies." I have another that reads: "Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away, and you have their shoes." It's a good life policy, and it keeps me shod. \nBut I realized that as much fun as I have with my bumper stickers, some people take them very seriously. The back of your car, to some people, is really a good platform to preach. If you get yourself into a traffic jam with a careful of stickers, you can effectively hold someone hostage and make them read your little sayings. \nAll bumper stickers fall into three rough groupings: religious ("Honk if you love Jesus"), political ("Kerry Edwards 2004") and funny (all of mine). Although with religious, it tends to just be Christians, because I can't really think of any "Honk if you love Allah" stickers. Pagans creep into the religious realm too, with stickers like "I missed church because I was busy practicing witchcraft." It's nice that, after 2000 years or so, Christians and pagans have something in common -- colorful car rear-ends.\nWith the religious grouping, you've got your "Know Jesus, Know Peace, No Jesus, No Peace;" you've got your "My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter," and then you've got the Ichthys decal. The Ichthys, usually a silver fish, has been used for centuries as a symbol of Christian belief. But it's kind of been hijacked by the political grouping in the past couple years; people putting little feet on the fish, or putting "Darwin" in the middle. It's like a mini-battle that gets carried out on people's trunks. \nThe political family of bumper stickers isn't unlike a real political family-think the Kennedys or the Bushes. There are a lot of them, but it doesn't really matter which one you're looking at. Bumper stickers are actually harder to get than one would think. I have a green "My Man Mitch" sticker (Mitch Daniels is a Republican gubernatorial candidate in Indiana), but I want a "Kerry Edwards 2004" for some bi-partisan stickering. Bloomington Democrats, send me one. The political family of stickers would also include the plethora of Bush-bashing stickers that seem to independently reproduce and creep onto every third car. Regardless of how you feel about him, some of these stickers are pretty funny. \nSo we've covered religious and political. With funny, there is a universe of stickers: "If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy." Others are funny, even though you might not want your mother seeing them: "Lift your Pokemon shirt so I can get a Pikachu." \nNaturally, some stickers cross sticker-type boundaries: "Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole" (religious and funny). "Save the whales, harpoon a fat chick" (political, funny and just plain wrong). \nCitibank has recently begun putting blank "I (heart) stickers" in their magazine advertisements and including directions on how to fill it out ("Take a fat marker or pen and write what you love"). They're in a lot of magazines, but I'm still debating as to what I love. \nIs there a lesson to be learned here? Probably not. Express at will America, and try not to get stuck behind me in traffic.