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Don't call me this weekend. I'll be too busy to bother with trivial things like a social life or family members. I've got important things to tend to. So if you desperately need to get a hold of me this weekend, here's a little advice: call on Monday, I'll be watching football all weekend.\nYes the NFL season kicks off Thursday night and not a moment too soon. All summer we have been hearing about steroids in baseball, human growth hormones at the Olympics and the fact that Ricky Williams would rather be Cheech than Jim Brown. Not that these discussions haven't been fun, but I think its time to cut out the philosophical chatter and just watch guys hit each other. \nThe best part about the new season is all of the soap opera stories that will be unfolding. I can't wait until an announcer ignites a quarterback controversy in New York by analyzing the way Eli Manning looks at Kurt Warner as he comes off the field. Incidentally, I was doing my fantasy football draft the other day and I got a call from Archie Manning telling me not to draft Eli. What's up with that? \nI know I'll be watching Miami's first game just to play the new Dolphins drinking game. Every time an announcer says, "Ricky Williams" you have to take a shot -- plan on being wasted by halftime.\nAnd don't forget Deion in Baltimore. Yes, Deion Sanders has returned solely to provide sound-bytes for the media. This is the guy who once refused to pay almost $3,000 for work done on his car, saying, "Praise Jesus. I follow in my heart what I'm told to pay." I wish I could use the Jesus discount for my tuition.\nThen there is San Diego, where MY Chargers have arguably the best player in the NFL, LaDainian Tomlinson, and some extras from "Angels in the End Zone." These guys can barely strap on their own helmets, let alone actually make plays. The last time the Chargers had a winning season (1995) I was playing John Madden football on my Sega Genesis and Kordell Stewart looked like a great young quarterback. \nIt breaks my heart to see my home team this bad, but after the way the front office has handled this off-season they might as well gas up the dingy and go fishing with Fredo, because they're dead to me. Side note: if my Bolts happen to make the playoffs through a miracle from God, I never printed that last line. \nFootball season means that certain things are back to normal. John Madden is butchering names during broadcasts, Brett Favre is defying the odds by playing injured and someone on the Dallas Cowboys is getting arrested. It also means that my buddy Ike is giving me bad fantasy football advice. This is a guy who once cost me the championship because he convinced me that "Amani Toomer will have a bigger week than Cris Carter." After Carter scored his third touchdown I left him an obscenity-laced voice mail. I'm still not completely over it.\nThe best part about the NFL season is watching all the "experts'" picks go horribly wrong. Last year, I saw two broadcasters pick a Giants-Steelers Super Bowl, nice work guys. But honestly who saw the Carolina Panthers coming last year? I'm sorry but Jake Delhomme still doesn't strike fear into my heart. The point is that no one ever knows what is going to happen and any team could come out of nowhere to win a championship -- except the Chargers.