Food for Inspiration

I was sitting in the Indiana Daily Student this summer talking to my surrogate mother Rebekah Spivey about life and everything that gives us trouble, when I admitted something I wouldn't dare admit to anyone else. \nI am not happy, I said. I am not really doing what I want to do. \nAt the time. I was working at DialAmerica and the IDS. I didn't have anytime for myself. Actually, I didn't have anytime to make clothes or do anything else fun. It was miserable, and it had been that way for about six months. I was going completely crazy. I would stay up at night, and my soul felt like it was stirring. I would tear my nails at work and be on the verge of tears because of my lack of time and energy.\nWhen I finally went to sleep, I would be depressed because nothing got made that night, and I was too tired to think. After telling Rebekah about my dilemma, she said you should follow your muse. \nFinally, I took a trip back home and went fabric shopping. I got some really nice fabric, but for some reason, I wasn't feeling it. I was happy about my purchases, but I wasn't feeling inspired. Then, I got a couple of my favorite catalogs in the mail, quit DialAmerica and BAM! the inspiration hit me like a ton of bricks. I had all kinds of fabric in my closet -- gold brocade, pink crepe and satin among many others. I couldn't wait to get started.\nThen Fashion Week came, and I was freaking out. My friend Dena came over, and we were going through fabric. I told her I didn't have enough time to go shopping, and she said, "I'll go shopping for you." \nI thought "This is ridiculous" -- I had no time for myself, and now people were volunteering to go shopping for me. I finally had to let the ball drop. I took half a day off during Fashion Week and went shopping. That was just the beginning of following my muse. \nWhen you are into fashion they way I am, and as sensitive as I am, everything has an influence on what you do. I couldn't make clothes without my sewing machine in Bloomington, so I did the next best thing -- I slept in, cleared my head and blacked out in Banana Republic. The shopping brought me back to a time long gone. I was getting my inspiration back as I looked through lace trim camisole tops, pink silk blouses and sexy black dresses. Though my own creations are nothing like what is in Banana Republic, the setting did the trick. \nBy the time I returned to Bloomington, it all came streaming to me. Expressing my creativity through art works best for me. Though writing about fashion does help to get out a lot of the built-up thoughts, I have a strange need to create. \nSo now I have decided to dedicate time every week to creating whatever I want. I am not going to stick to clothes either -- I love making glass kaleidoscopes, and mosaics bring me serenity. I have found there is nothing worse than not following the voice inside yourself and nothing worse than feeling empty of inspiration. I advise anyone who feels trapped or numbed by people with no imagination to stop tearing your nails, take a trip and follow your muse.