Anything but standard

Fall back, spring forward. Who cares? It's irrelevant for us Hoosiers.\nMy beloved Indiana, a state I've adopted as my own, has its own unique spin on daylight-saving time. What is it?\nIt's simple, we don't do it. The only time we use the hour button on our bedside clocks is by accident, when our alarm blares like a siren at 8:30 a.m. after a night of heavy drinking and you have to make it to Christians, Muslims and Jews in the Medieval Mediterranean. \nWait, did I say simple?\nThis kooky state's system is anything but simple. Currently, 77 of the state's 92 counties are in the Eastern time zone but don't switch the clocks this month. Instead, those counties technically remain standard time all year round. But who are we kidding -- just say half the year we're Eastern and the other half we're Central. Of course, there are two counties near Cincinnati and Louisville, Ky., that do use daylight-saving time, and then there are counties near Chicago and Evansville that fall in the Central time zone and also change in April. \nGot that? \nSo what does it all mean? Why is this kid boring me with talk of clocks and daylight? \nSeeing as I've lived practically my entire life in the Eastern time zone, I love this deal. The Central time zone -- I mean standard time -- is heaven sent. \nNow Monday Night Football starts at 8 p.m. -- meaning it'll end before I pass out on the couch clutching the remote. The Cubs games will start at the time they actually say they will on WGN. SportsCenter is on at 10 p.m., Baseball Tonight at 11 p.m. and then again at 1 p.m. \nMan, you gotta love this hour earlier stuff. It takes away all the needless anticipation. The NFL starts at noon, college football at 11 a.m. I can wake up and roll out of bed without having to wait through an hour of pregame. \nOf course, it does have its drawbacks. I know the IU athletics department, unfortunately, better than their accountants do, and they'll schedule the Michigan-IU home football game at 11 a.m., meaning I'll have to get up at 8 a.m. so I can tailgate and get properly motivated to bear through a 42-7 drubbing. \nNow while sports get a boost from this failure of a time switch, my cable shows don't. \nFor the past three months I've had a perfect system for my television viewing for Wednesday evenings. At 9 p.m. a buddy and I sit down and watch the OC, then at 10 p.m. it's South Park, followed at 10:30 p.m. by Chappelle's Show. It's one of my favorite evenings of the week. Now they're all on at the same time. But at least this year I'm ready for the switch. \nFreshman year, I missed four episodes of the Real World Chicago not knowing the cable stations don't adhere to the Indiana sect. Luckily for me, MTV re-airs every episode 413 times a week. \nSo what to do this Wednesday? Hmm ... I've got it! I'll tape South Park and Chappelle while I watch the OC, then once the OC ends, pop in the taped programs and watch them just as if they were on at their normal times. Now I can fast forward through the commercials too, meaning we get 20 minutes of South Park and seven minutes of Chappelle's Show. I've saved about a half-hour of sitting in front of the TV, so now I can go out and "study." I love this Central time -- I mean standard time, of course.