Embracing the new year

A week into 2004 and New Year's resolutions dissipate into fleeting memories. Within a month of resolving to start exercising every day, reality hits as we gorge on leftovers, watch basketball games and daydream about the gym we have yet to visit once. \nNevertheless, every January millions of people resolve to forever change their lives. For $49.95 a year, www.mygoals.com will even help you keep your personal promise via a series of motivational e-mails. The IDS isn't going to fork over that kind of cash, but in the spirit of the season, we have still decided to make a few resolutions for IU:\n1) Boast a men's basketball team that has more wins than the football team. Currently, the squad is 6-6. We're not hoping for much. A record above .500 would even suffice. In Tuesday's loss, the men faced their worst defeat against Wisconsin since 1914. This, and the team's 39-point loss to Kentucky in December, is proof that a little resolve couldn't hurt.\n2) Finish the year without losing another administrator. After losing our president last year and the chancellor this fall, it's time to quit bidding our leaders adieu. Making it 365 days without juggling the administration would be an accomplishment indeed. \n3) Leave tuition where it is. Tuition has been hiked the past two years, and the University will have to depend on a strong recruitment plan if it wants to maintain its student size. The random fees on freshman bursar bills should eliminate the need to raise tuition. But this goal also depends upon resolution No. 2. Hiring new administrators to replace the ones we're losing is not cheap. \n4) Hang on to all of the Greek houses we have. The fraternity funerals on campus are beginning to make the entire Greek system look like it's on life support. Surviving the year without plucking a house just might be the resuscitation it needs. \n5) Attain the status of No. 1 anything. If regaining our status as top party school is too much of a stretch, we'd even settle for the title of number one research university. Frankly, we just want to dominate. The taste of victory is still sweet in our mouths, and we're ready to have another piece of that pie. \nWe're not assuming they're true. We're not even assuming they're plausible. But while most resolve to stay in shape or study more, IU doesn't need to waste time on frivolous goals. It might take a motivational Web site to bolster the necessary self-help for IU, but the University shouldn't worry. IU is well aware that New Year's resolutions are meant to be broken.