A collegiate connoisseur

It's a conversation repeated on college campuses everywhere:\n"Dude, you gotta love a good Keystone Light."\n"No way, man," another person grumbles. "This Amber Bock is the best. Dark beer has more alcohol, anyway."\n"Trust me, go with Rolling Rock," says a random third guy. "It goes down so easy. So smooth."\nAnd this is just the beginning of a collegiate conundrum unsolvable by university drinkers. \nTruth is, most students are grossly underqualified to judge the intricate flavorings of the world's many beers. Most conversations like the one above are simply time-fillers en route to intoxication. It's understandable. How could collegiate connoisseurs possibly be cultivated in an environment where the standard drinking vessel is the bong?\nA friend of mine once said as he bought me a case of cheap beer instead of the twelve-pack of Killian's I had wanted, "I'm sure it's a great beer, dude, but this one's cheaper, and we'll get twice as wasted." He was right, of course -- but he knew nothing of true beer appreciation.\nIf you haven't guessed, I consider myself somewhat of a beer buff. Thus, for the benefit of my less-than-knowledgeable collegiate peers, I feel it is my responsibility to examine several kinds of beer to finally determine which hops is tops on campus. As such, I promise to be fair and objective. Welcome to The Great Beer-Off.\nRound 1: Newcastle Brown Ale\nNewcastle, with its thick, bubbly head, smells rich and has a bitter, hoppy taste. But the real bite of Jim Porter's English ale is its astringent, long-lasting aftertaste, which slows consumption by tricking the mind into thinking it's still drinking between sips — definitely a negative.\nRound 2: Rolling Rock Extra Pale\nLast summer I would bring cases of Rolling Rock home and put them in the fridge to let my parents know I drank alcohol — that is, until my mom started swiping them. She said it tasted like soda pop, and I couldn't agree more. If not for its thin head and yellowish color, one could almost mistake the pride of old Latrobe for watered-down Perrier. But hey, it's definitely beer, it's smooth, and it's the easiest sixer you'll ever down.\nRound 3: Michelob AmberBock \nMichelob's celebrated dark lager is everything a great beer should strive to be. AmberBock is smooth and flavorful with a rich body and lightly hoppy aftertaste, making it the right beer for any occasion. I think I'll just stop for a second to enjoy the rest of this bottle. Mmm. \nRound 4: Killian's Irish Red\nKinda feelign it now but we'll press on. It's textuer is alright, but who can resist a Killian's? It's red,and it tastes awesome. I've to chug this one. \nRounds 5, 6 and 7: Keystone Ligh\nAs for the Keystones, I'm drikning 3 of them the way all truly awful beers were meant to be downed - rapidly and by the bong so I won't be able to tsate its true awfullness. this beer is Coors' effort ayt producing an eve nworse subtsitute to perennial crap beer NAtural Light. Skunky, skunky and skukny.\nFinal rounsd: ??????????????????/\nWho kwnos?. One is light in a green bottle ands the other is dark br4own like a Guinness and I c0ombined the light and dark bers in one glass to create an unstoppable superbeer! It's like if Luke Skywsalker joined forces with darth Vader-. No one in the galaxy could have stoppd them@!\nwinerr: I cant realy tell becausei drank toomuch beer@! I drank too mcuh beer cauzeI drank too muchbeeeeer. Sorry the columnn didn;t amount to much, but I did learn something abotu myself,though. It turnes out i'm just a tipical college drinwker, not a .0beer connouseur, atfer all/