I want ME for chancellor

As I understand it, President Herbert is looking for a new IU-Bloomington Chancellor. Well, I just want to say, "Hey, I'm available."\nNow, I'll admit that I'm not exactly your typical choice for chancellor. For one thing, I haven't achieved my doctorate yet. But, you see, that's a strength. After all, how better could an administrator come to understand his or her university than by being down in the trenches, neck-deep in the steaming bowels of the institution? And I'm no ivory tower elitist. Rather, I know what it's like to trip over the bodies of students sleeping on sidewalks and staircases because callous Registrar's office bureaucrats refuse to consider Axis' 5 cent draft night when scheduling classes. I know your pain.\nNor do I have an Ivy League education. Instead, I had to pull myself up by my bootstraps. My alma mater, the College of Wooster, was no $40,000-a-year prep school (as of fall 2003, the comprehensive fee is only $31,300). There was only one coffee bar. And with as many as 40 students in a class at times, you had to struggle to distinguish yourself from the pack. It was rough, but it built character. \nFurthermore, I may have no administrative experience, or even know off-hand where the chancellor's office is, but this is also in my favor. I'm an outsider. I bring a new perspective. I'll be a fresh breeze blowing out the old ideas. A cyclone shaking up the system. Give me a chance, and I'll give the University wind.\nNow, you may be wondering what a chancellor does. To be honest, it took me awhile to figure that out myself. Based on the job title, one can assume that a chancellor is responsible for chanceling the chancellees. But that's hardly revealing.\nThe Web site for the Office of the Chancellor does not provide a description, and President Herbert is planning to change the chancellor's role, anyway (IDS, Oct. 31).\nThe most concise description I could find came from the University of Alaska, Anchorage (www.uaa.alaska.edu/chancellorsearch). I'll explain my "vision" line by line.\n"The chancellor is the chief executive officer of the (university) and reports to the president of the (university)."\nI have absolutely no problem with being subordinate to the president. Indeed, were the trustees to offer me a 2004 Jaguar XJ to entice me into the job, I would insist the president get one, too. Except I'd demand that his have leather seats instead of vinyl. Better yet, were I given a sedan chair and servants to carry me around campus (much more environmentally friendly than a golf cart), I'd make sure his sedan chair had twice as many servants, and a mini-bar. There's no room for egos in this business.\n"Within the scope of Regents' Policy and University Regulation, the chancellor exercises very broad delegated authority and is responsible for all aspects of (the) administration."\nI am perfectly happy to delegate authority. Indeed, the more delegated the authority, the more effective I become. I would even hire someone to go into the office for me. Above all, I'm a team player.\nFinally, "the chancellor works with all university, state, community and private constituencies to develop support for the institution."\nWere I chancellor, I would work around the clock building support among IUB's constituencies. We especially need to reach out to our constituencies in far-flung corners of the world like Tahiti and the Virgin Islands. They have been too long ignored by the university administration. In fact, I'm willing to go meet with them personally, just to let them know how much they matter.