It just sounds dirty

Take a cold shower. Think about Margaret Thatcher. But calm down, and do whatever you need to do to get through "The Lover's Tongue: A Merry Romp Through the Language of Love and Sex."\nThis fun little book, penned by Canadian English professor Mark Morton, dives deep into something most of us can thoroughly appreciate: the language of sex. And "Tongue" hits it all, from words for our equipment, words for ahem, preferences, and words for the deed itself.\nThe chapters are arranged by subject matter, including "Shame on Me: Smut Words," and "Knowing Dorothy: Sexual Orientation Words." Within the chapters, the words are arranged chronologically, from the most ancient words to more modern developments.\nThe book is also sprinkled with little gray boxes, which contain quotes or fun words about love, sex, or the nature of language. The best quote comes from none other than Shakespeare himself: "Let copulation thrive!" And you can pick up fun little tidbits, such as knowing that callipygian is the condition of having beautiful buttocks. Who knew?\nIf you're the prudish type, fear not -- it's not all about sex. There's a chapter on "Words of Love and Desire" and one on "Terms of Endearment." After all, doesn't everyone want to be somebody's "swete hurle bawsy?" After reading "Tongue," it seems like one of the nicer things a lover might say in the 18th century.\nBut if you're not the blushing type, "Tongue" dishes out, too. You can finally learn where "knockers" comes from, and you can peruse the five pages (that's over 1,300 entries) of words that mean "penis."\nDon't, however, try to read this book in one sitting. Even with its lighthearted take on language, it's a bit heavy at times. Thankfully, it's written for the linguistic neophyte, so Morton takes the time to explain what Proto-Indo-European is, and why it matters. He explains, finally and clearly, the difference between Old English, Middle English, and Late and Modern English. Morton himself addresses his book's faults in his introduction, saying "If you read too much of it at one stretch, you'll probably get a headache, much as you would if you did twenty crosswords in a row." He recommends perusing it at one's leisure, one chapter at a time.\nBut while Morton is prone to wandering around a bit if a subject seems interesting, he's good about coming back to the matter at hand. And if a word's origin seems too strange, he addresses it. If the matter of a word's origin is of debate within the linguistic community, Morton says so. He's not afraid of a little ambiguity.\nAll of these factors come together beautifully, making for a fun, informative book. So read "Tongue," take notes, and get down to a little rantum scantum, as long as it's safe rantum scantum.