Cancel my reservations at the Hilton

Now I confess, in my downtime I, like most, enjoy the chance to take some time and zone out in front of that little black box which can be traced to the decline of our generation -- the TV. Specifically traced to the decline of our generation are channels such as MTV, with shows like "Cribs," and VH1, with shows like "Where are They Now" and "The Fabulous Life of: (insert name(s) of beautiful/famous persons)."\nI'm not ashamed to say I love these, though. They amaze me, especially "The Fabulous Life of:" -- I love to see how much Christina spends on one pair of designer underwear or how many rare animals Usher had at his last birthday party. \nOn one particular lazy afternoon, little did I know I was about to watch the "fabulous" life of not one, but two "FABULOUS" people -- the Hilton sisters. \nI just have a few questions for all of you: Why do we care? Since when do spoiled, rich kids get spots on daytime and primetime TV? What did they do to deserve our attention? I mean, at least Britney shakes her ass for her fame. They don't do anything, with the exception of Paris' new show on FOX called "The Simple Life" -- and I thought "Newlyweds" with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey was bad reality TV. \nNow, I'd heard of the Hilton sisters before -- I mean, who hasn't? Okay, I'll give it to you if you don't watch TV, don't flip through cheap magazines in the check-out aisle, don't listen to the local Top 40 radio station or, hell, don't live in America, you might not have heard of them. But, if you're taking time to read this, I'll bet my friend's knock-off Louis Vuitton you know who the Hilton sisters are.\nIn about the last six months, Nicky, 22, and Paris,19, have become household names to all those admiring couch potatoes between the ages of 15 and 30. These two New York socialites, as they are referred to by many, have been 'spotted' (i.e. photographed by money-hungry paparazzi) at all the chic hotspots in New York, L.A., London and (insert name of any/all exotic locales), drinking it up and partying 'til dawn. They shop at the most expensive boutiques known to man and spend ungodly amounts of money on stupid things. \nOne of them -- I honestly can't tell the difference between the two. I mean are they even two different people? The way I figure it, put them together and you have the equivalent of one normal sized girl -- actually buys matching clothes for her and her dog. Some of things she buys shouldn't even be allowed out of a dark closet, let alone be worn by dog or self. I don't care if it's one-of-kind, some of the stuff is just offensive. Thankfully, they usually only wear them once and then throw them away. (Hopefully, they give it to the local Upper East Side Salvation Army.) \nThese girls have been linked with the "hottest" guys in Hollywood -- guys like TV personality Brian McFayden (har har) and Deryck Whibley, the lead singer of Sum 41 (yeah right). They have bling-bling even P. Diddy would covet and so many houses and apartments they don't know where to tell the limo driver to go after a long night of party-hopping their way through New York.\nThe Hilton sisters are the epitome of commercialized perfection. To quote Warren G, they have it all, "money, fast cars/ Diamond rings, gold chains and champagne/ Shit, everydamn thing." Mix in the private jets, "perfect" hair, faces and bodies and permanent reservations at the penthouse suite of the Waldorf Towers in NYC and you have the two luckiest girls in the world. \nThey shop, party, eat, drink and have fun -- all at someone else's expense. They jet-set around the world, spending their family's money and making everyone else jealous. \nIs that what makes someone famous and worth the public's time? I haven't heard of one single philanthropic thing they have done. \nFor one, I'm tired of seeing these girls all over the TV, in magazines and basically in my face every time I turn on MTV, ET or VH1. Once they do something good for the world, let me know. Until then, they can take their fortune, designer clothes and famous boyfriends and shove it up their private jet. This Midwest girl is satisfied buying clothes off the rack and flying coach for the rest of her life. \nI just have one thing left to say: Thank you, Nicky and Paris, for making the rest of us feel poor and fat, yet somehow totally worthwhile.