Turning tragedy into triumph

If life were fair, Jessica Moskal's father would still be walking the earth today. The Moskal family hails from Ohio, miles away from New York City. But on Sept. 11, Moskal's father was in New York on a business trip. That business trip took him to an upper floor of the World Trade Center's north tower.\nTwo years removed from that fateful day, Moskal, now a junior, still has a hard time dealing with the loss.\n"It's honestly harder this year," she said. "I thought if I could get through the first anniversary things would be easier. I miss him." \nWith the second anniversary now here, Moskal found herself dreading the same things over again.\n"I'm not going to cry or anything, but when I keep having to see that plane slamming into that building, I can't take it," she said. "It's like watching my dad die."\nMoskal also said its hard to share her personal day of grief with the rest of the world.\n"I still need to deal with it personally, because it affects every aspect of my life," she said. "Everyone talks about 9/11 because it's such a big thing, but for me it's all about my dad."\nTwo other IU students, junior Rachel Jacobson and graduate Joshua Goldflam, also lost their fathers that day. So the IU Student Foundation created three scholarships, named for the fathers who died in the attack. The surviving children helped to determine the criteria for each scholarship.\nJunior Irene Menchaca was one of the first recipients of a Sept. 11 scholarship last year. She said the award gave her mixed emotions.\n"It was difficult to find my emotions about it because you think, 'If this person hadn't died, I wouldn't be getting this money,'" she said. "But through the award, they live on."\nMenchaca has never met the child of her scholarship's namesake. But if she did, she said, there are lots of things she'd like to know.\n"I definitely want to know about their fathers, because if I was selected, I must be a little like them," she said. "I also want to know their (children's) thoughts, what has happened to them and what they think of the scholarship."\nAngie Hornbach, now an IU graduate, also received one of the first Sept. 11 scholarships. She actually got to meet Moskal at the awards ceremony. Though graduated, Hornbach clearly remembers that day, describing it as oddly serene, save for the wind and the voices of a choir.\n"When you see it on TV, it's sad and of course it makes you feel fearful," she said. "But when you meet someone personally affected by it, you're personally affected by it, and it makes you realize how important life is."\nThe event and the emotion have made an indelible mark on Hornbach's life.\n"I still think about Jessica and her family," she said. "For our generation, you'll always remember where you were at when the World Trade Center fell."\nMoskal said she will try to go about her daily life on Sept. 11, going to class and doing her work. But she will not attend this year's scholarship ceremony, nor will she talk to the press. She has too much to think about already.\n"I'll probably go to class because I'm not a total wimp," she said. "But I won't do any public speaking. I just want to be alone that day."\nNone of the surviving children are expected to be at this year's awards. Nonetheless, this year's recipients will understand why they aren't there, and why they themselves are.\nPerhaps they might share Menchaca's sentiments of that day.\n"Because these people know my ambitions describe their fathers', I don't want to disappoint them," she said. " You have to live up to it."\n-- Contact staff writer George Lyle IV at glyle@indiana.edu.