What would Otis do?

If you're reading this, I'm sorry. You are obviously not munching peanuts on an airplane en route to Cancun. You are not sipping Arbor Mist and indulging in melon buffets on a Carnival Cruiseliner. You did not buy a new bikini, you did not coerce a neighbor into feeding your dog; and one week from now, you will be just as pasty as you ever were.\nBut no need to be down, friend. Vacations from life don't have to be vacations from town.\nAll you need is some free time, some personal space and a little Otis Redding.\nMy prescription for chronic landlock is as follows: \nTwo minutes and 45 seconds of "(Sittin' on the) Dock of the Bay," to be taken daily by audition. Refills: unlimited. Side effects may include perpetual relaxation, dream-like visions of the ocean and an unexplained yearning to whistle. Should you experience any of these symptoms, consider yourself lucky and take another dose. Dr. Otis knows what he's doing.\nThe beauty of the "Dock of the Bay" (DOB) journey is that you can experience it anywhere. You don't need a dock or a bay. You don't even have to be sittin'. You just have to close your eyes, feel the song and allow your mind be consumed by the gentle prospect that time just doesn't matter. You will find yourself more laid back than you have ever been. And it will last from four to six hours.\nFor those of you who are highly familiar with the song, hum a few lines to yourself right now. You will probably start feeling its effects already. \nIf it's been a while since you last heard DOB, allow me to refresh your memory. It's tough to do it justice without the accompaniment of its delightfully moderate tempo and soothing background seagulls, but a summary of the lyrics ought to give you the general feel. Redding, who happens to be 2,000 miles from his home of Georgia, is sitting on the dock of a bay. It is this particular location where he wastes time and watches the tide roll away. He stays there from morning until evening. He sees ships both come and go. But ultimately, Otis is just sitting there, resting his bones.\nClearly, it's an anthem of relaxation. It's a hymn for the happy-go-lucky. These just happen to be the kinds of carefree concepts that spring break thrives on. With the DOB plan, you get all the good feelings of a lazy day, even if you're stuck working in Bloomington.\nThough the benefits are overwhelming, The FDA would never allow such a mind-altering device to be put on the pharmaceutical market. Luckily, DOB is readily available for pseudo-travel at any local music store. If you're brave, a more potent version can be found on vinyl at a used records joint, or you can download it for free with a good Internet connection. One warning, however, in regards to the latter: in your attempts to retrieve "Dock of the Bay" online, you could end up with the utterly tasteless rendition that Michael Bolton disgraced us with in 1987. This abomination is NOT approved by the official DOB program, therefore it is highly recommended that you include "Redding" in your search.\nWith Otis in your corner, your spring break is sure to be a pleasant one. Seven days from now when your friends return upset because they've been captured by "Girls Gone Wild" or distraught because they accidentally impregnated a native, you can just whistle your new favorite tune and smile. You and Otis know no such trouble. You've just been sittin' in the morning sun. And wasting time.