Predictions play a huge role in sports. Even non-gamblers like me pay attention to the betting lines to see what an objective third party might think about a particular event. To make accurate predictions requires inside information.\nLucky for me, I have some inside information. Lucky for you, I am about to share it.
Colts game plan for Sunday\nThe Indianapolis Colts will defeat the winless and hapless Cincinnati Bengals Sunday. The Colts' game plan revolves around three things: a complex formula involving Akili Smith's ball revolutions per second, indoor barometric pressure and Peyton Manning and Marvin Harrison avoiding falling down sewer grates while walking down the street.
Rose tries new ways to maintain popularity\nPete Rose, the disgraced former baseball star whose popularity among many has only increased since being banned from baseball for life in 1989 for gambling on baseball, showed up last week at a celebrity, non-Major League Baseball-sponsored softball game at Cinergy Field with other Reds legends and received overwhelming applause.\nRose, who spent five months in prison and paid a $50,000 fine for tax evasion in 1990, has considered not paying his taxes again to bump up his popularity even further.
Mickelson finally comes up big\nGolfer Phil Mickelson, ranked No. 2 in the world behind Tiger Woods but known for his inability to win a major and his loss to No. 119 Phillip Price in Ryder Cup match play, will defeat Woods 1-up in an upcoming made-for-TV match play event.\nThe notoriously erratic Mickelson will thank the event organizers for holding the tournament in the world's only golf course without water, bunkers or trees.
Selig upset at small-market teams in playoffs\nMajor League Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig will be spotted weeping openly in the stands during the Oakland A's-Minnesota Twins American League Division Series as the matchup between two of the four smallest payrolls in baseball will prove once and for all that smart management and not payroll size is the key factor to building a successful team and that Selig's cries about "small-market" teams and haves and have-nots were just a ruse.\nThe A's built their team through shrewd drafting of players and a brilliant minor league farm system that produced players such as Tim Hudson, Mark Mulder, Cy Young candidate Barry Zito, MVP candidate Miguel Tejada and Eric Chavez. They signed all these players to long-term contracts early in their careers, overpaying early in the contract in order to save money later.\nThe Twins built their team through great patience and coaching that turned young players like Torii Hunter, Jacque Jones and Eddie Guardado from ordinary to integral. Thankfully for the Twins, they got good before they became free agents and had to compete to keep them. Their owner, Carl Pohlad, wants the team to be contracted because he feels he can make more money through contraction than through selling the team.
Spurrier's nickname annoys\nRadical militants of good taste and the Anti-Annoyance League will shoot the next ESPN SportsCenter anchor who refers to Redskins Coach Steve Spurrier as the "ol' ball coach" for the 1,538th time. Just because some Southern phrases might be quaint doesn't mean they sound good when Yankees utter them.
Olympics are running late\nThe committee organizing the 2004 Summer Olympics in Athens will announce that all venues and infrastructure needed to host the Games will be completed by March 2006. Just kidding.\nWhat isn't funny is that the Athens is so far behind in its preparation for the Games that the International Olympic Committee had to give a public vote of confidence to the organizing committee that the Games will go on as planned. This came amidst rumors that the IOC might move the Games elsewhere. The IOC, meanwhile, in a marketing deal with a U.S. film studio, will change the name of the event officially to My Big Fat Greek Olympics.
Bonds has umpires confused\nGiants slugger Barry Bonds has broken the single-season record for walks each of the last two years. The frequent walks, a great tribute both to Bonds' great batting eye and his ability to crush any reasonably good pitch to hit, has now got the umpires fooled. \nThe Braves pitching staff will walk Bonds during their upcoming playoff series so many times that an umpire will call a waist-high fastball right down the middle a ball. The umpire will apologize publicly after the game citing "force of habit"
