The dangers of walking to class

When I first came to this hallowed institution of learning, I knew that things would be more difficult than they were in the namby-pamby days of high school. I assumed that the hardest activities I would have to deal with would either involve something to do with a parabola, waking up on a Sunday morning (or early afternoon) after a hard night of studying, or holding a conversation with an attractive female for more than 30 seconds.\nAlas, it has turned out that this is not the scenario. I passed the final math class of my lifetime with a "B." There is nothing that a few aspirin can't take care of after pounding headaches from hours at the library. And I once even talked to an attractive young vixen for as long as one minute eight seconds. (Elapsed time does not include awkward 38-second period of silence in middle of conversation).\nThe hardest experience that one will ever encounter at IU is quite simple: walking. Yes, that's right, I said walking, and you don't even have to have rickets for this hardship to apply to you.\nPerhaps one might assume that I am merely lashing out against walking because it is an activity that I have a difficult history with. A common scenario involves me walking (never in a straight line) and then tripping over absolutely nothing. Since there is always a cute girl behind me when this occurs, I make sure to point to some phantom stick that is the scapegoat for impeding my progress, though it is approximately six feet away.\nI attribute this difficulty in walking to the fact that I walked on my knees until I was 2 years old. My great-grandma suggested that shoes be sewn onto the knees of my pants. It's true, too. You can ask my mom.\nBut what I am dealing with here is the problems that the common student will have on their walk to class. First and foremost are the dangers that come with being a pedestrian. When they tell you to look both ways before crossing the street, it is not a lie. A friend of mine who had the audacity to cross 10th Street was nearly run over by a car that was turning. Apparently, the driver had heard a rumor that Indiana state law had stripped pedestrians of the right of way.\nCars are not the only danger, as motorcycles also have a major presence on campus. The threat of being run down by a motorcycle speeding down the street with reckless abandonment is very real. And you know that the notorious gangs of bikers, with their distinctive Abercrombie & Fitch shirts and visors turned backward will have no remorse when they come careening at you.\n Think you're safe on the sidewalks? Think again. Buses have been known to encroach onto the sidewalk. You never know when a moped will be bearing down upon you, though they are not as much of a threat because you can outrun them.\n But the one thing that I fear the most are bicyclists. I can guarantee that I will be hit a bicycle by the time I graduate. Obviously, students at IU have a good sense of history, and realize that the Little 500 used to be run in what is now the Arboretum. In fact, I would even deduce that some of them still think that it is still run there, as they apparently have no intention of slowing down for us walkers.\nIf you think getting run over by a bicycle is comfortable, let me be the first to say that it isn't. When I was 5, my babysitter's kids told me to hide under a pile of leaves. They proceeded to have their neighbor run over the pile with his bike. It sucked.\nSo next time you are walking around on campus, just remember to keep an eye open for danger. Or maybe just wear a helmet.