MTV's attempts not that original

Last week I was with a few friends and we stood in a parking lot trying to decide what to do that evening. Our group decisions are always democratic, and this time the "MTV Movie Awards" won. I have to admit, whenever I watch MTV I always feel like I'm being brainwashed by some old, overweight, perverted producer sitting in a control room who's secretly sending me subliminal messages to have sex and buy his artist's album.\nWhy do I feel that way though? I've never seen any earth-shattering investigative journalism to prove it, or even put that idea in my head. Perhaps I get that impression because it reels in all of my friends so well.\nThe "MTV Movie Awards" headline event was a performance of the new hit song "Lady Marmalade." In case you live under a rock and haven't seen the video, it's borderline pornography in which pop stars Christina Aguilera, Pink, Mya and Lil' Kim seductively "dance" in hooker-style underwear while they sing a song that translates into "Will you sleep with me tonight?" It's enough to make Bob Dole and his dog squeal. \nImmediately after the video's release, it became a must-have on the hard drives of every college male, and this was bad timing on IU's campus because it was the week before finals. The guys just kept playing the video over and over and over again. Accounting final? Who cares when you have the luscious Pink throwing her bare butt at you, then again in slow motion, then with it turned up a little louder, then, well, you get the picture.\nSurely someone's orchestrating the marketing genius behind all of this. I think MTV itself gives me this notion. In its typical "Real World" style, MTV did a show documenting the formation of a boy band, giving us a behind-the-scenes glimpse of how it all comes together. Sure enough, a balding, round, middle-aged man chose all of the members according to some kind of formula that he thought would connect with America the best. This same man chose the dances, costumes, songs, and even convinces one to change his personality. Just think of the "singers" as live puppets. The producer's cheesy smile and authoritarian, yet weasel-like way of controlling every decision irked me like finger nails on a chalkboard.\nJust as with music, MTV's most popular shows like "Real World," "Road Rules," "The Tom Green Show," "Loveline" and "Undressed" give the false impression that they are about the real lives of real people. Living in rent-free mansions in Hawaii or New York with TV crews watching your every move is far from "real." The hand-picked cast that's randomly thrown together has the feel of an awkward blind date.\nOne of the MTV Movie Awards was "Best Kiss." To present the award Ashton Kutcher and Christina Ricci tried to be different by (gasp) making out! Christina played up the "real" image by repeatedly telling Ashton to read the teleprompter and stop asking for a kiss. After showing clips from the nominated scenes, the camera cut to Christina and Ashton kissing. Even Palm Beach Democrats knew it was a disgustingly scripted act.\nWhy do we feel like MTV symbolizes our generation? MTV and pop culture live off a lie that they are somehow "real" because they are rebellious and different. But we were raised by the '60s generation and grew up with Bart Simpson. Our parents taught us to distrust authority, and if we didn't we were laughed at in school (Remember Nelson, a laughingstock of the Simpson's Springfield?). MTV isn't "different," it's merely an extension of what we've been taught by friends, parents, and society.\nThe point I'm trying to make is that rebellion is so ingrained in us that when one "rebells," one is actually just conforming according to what a very un-cool and un-real producer has in mind. In my experience, most of pop culture's biggest adherents are merely following the crowd and behaving like they're told they should. Indeed, a truly rebellious youth today is one that respects adults, pursues a one-partner marriage, and listens to music that takes creativity to write.\nThe army of conforming, brainwashed kids have telltale signs you should learn to notice. If you visit the mall with any regularity, you'll know what I'm talking about. Teens will always walk in packs (there's strength in numbers) with their designer clothes on as uniforms, nervously looking at the other teens to see what they're wearing. After all, it's important to be different from grandparents, but no one dares to be different from their peers.\nThat's why, just for experimental purposes, I like to go to the mall and wear "normal clothes" (I use quotation marks because they're actually quite different from the norm). I'll wear regular jeans with a regular t-shirt. I'll part my hair, comb it over and wear generic shoes. From my experimentation, I've found the MTV kids will react in one of two ways. The first response is to look me up and down with a disapproving sideways glance, sneer and move on. Our generation can't tolerate non-conformists. The message just oozes from this group: Conform with us! The second group will try their best to ignore me. They assume I'm an outcast and don't want to acknowledge someone who doesn't meet their definition of "different." Doesn't that make me the different one though?\nWhen social conservatives rail against MTV and all that it stands for, they almost always miss one of its biggest flaws. It teaches us to follow the old and uncool producer in the control room. MTV's "real" is actually fake. MTV's "different" actually means conforming. In short, MTV is not what it claims to be.\nPerhaps if everyone would stop and think about the paradoxical lives they're living, they'd part their hair and comb it over too. Besides, how can I study accounting with Pink's butt in my face?