Wishful thinking

I've got some requests for my birthday and Hanukkah, both of which are coming up. I want Astroturf outlawed, not just for the sake of Wendell Davis's kneecaps, (blown into his hips on a play at Veteran's Stadium in Philly in 1993), but just for the sanctity of football. Field problems should consist of mud and slush, not the carpet coming loose. \nI want the Rams back in L.A. and the Colts back in Baltimore. (The Ravens will move to Indy to even it all out). I want the Wizards to be the Bullets, and I want the Rockets to get rid of those hideous jerseys and return to the classic red and white.\nI want the Dodgers back at Ebbets Field, the Giants back at the Polo Grounds and I want every stadium that's named after the highest bidder to be renamed after someone more appropriate. I want the Marlins and D-Rays banished to Canada to start a three-team league of bad baseball with the Expos, and I want the champion to be decided by the BCS. \nI want Scottie Pippen to win a ring and an MVP without Michael or Phil. I want Antoine Walker to get his thumb out of his mouth and take the Celtics back to the finals.\nI want Mark Grace to beat the Yankees with a 9th inning home run, and the second he crosses home, for the Tribune Company to resign him and promise him a management position for whenever he retires. I want the NFL to get a clue and give up sudden death overtime in favor of college football's "match" system. \nI want to see college football and basketball players paid as much as coaches, and I want people to chill with bashing high-schoolers who turn pro. (If someone handed you millions of dollars to do what you love to do and nothing else, wouldn't you take it? I would.)\nI want the Rocket and Pedro in the National League, so they can stand on an island at home plate, knees shaking, hands sweating, looking down the barrel of a Randy Johnson fastball. I want Alex Rodriguez to hit .345 with 50 homeruns and 130 RBIs for the rest of his meaningless career, and I want him to do it while dropping a total of 300 games out of first place.\nI want to see this starting lineup form a team and win a title: Gary Payton, John Stockton, Charles Barkley, Karl Malone and Patrick Ewing.\nBut most of all, I want to see a seven game World Series between the Cubs and the Red Sox. (The problem with this is that God would personally end the world before he let either of these clubs win a series.)\nI want an ideal sports world, where attitude and sportsmanship count more than stats and money. A world where players play with one team for their careers, winning lots of titles like Bill Russell or none like Ernie Banks. A world where all the real fans get courtside seating, and all the executives stand outside in the cold. \nThis is the world I long for, but for now I'll settle for sitting on my couch with all my good buddies, eating, laughing and having a good time watching sports. The rest of that stuff will probably just work itself out in the end.