Life as a domestic violence victim

She was trapped in her home with her three children and her friend. The windows and doors were locked. She couldn't get out and she thought her attacker outside couldn't get in. But she was wrong. The attacker -- her boyfriend at the time -- found a way into the house.\nMichelle Miller, a Bloomington resident, fired two shots from a handgun at the man, launching both into his chest. The attack happened about 10 years ago.\n"I had to do what I had to do to protect myself," Miller said. \nAs he laid on the ground, she grabbed her kids and went to the back of the house. He got up, attacked her and grabbed her gun. He shot Miller's friend twice in the back and proceeded to "put the gun down my throat saying, 'you're going to die,'" she said. "I thought, this is the end of my life."\nOn her knees she looked him dead in the eye. \n"If you're going to shoot or kill me, then do it now because God showed me the way," she said. \nA car door slammed outside. Her attacker ran to the front of the house. She looked at her kids and said, "I've got to get help, or we're all going to die." \nMiller jumped out the window and ran to the neighbors. After banging on doors, getting chased by a pit bull and nearly hanging herself on a swing, she jumped through her neighbor's window. Her attacker followed and immediately put a gun to Miller's neck. Her neighbor then put a gun to his head and said, 'If you shoot her, I'll shoot you.'"\nMiller, like some women, is a victim of domestic violence.\nShe and her kids were finally safe. Her attacker received a 14-year sentence, but only served seven. He also has a 'no-contact order for life,' Miller said. \nBecause of the severity, prevalence and widespread effect of domestic violence, October was proclaimed as Domestic Violence Awareness Month by Mayor John Fernandez. He said he intends to educate Bloomington citizens about this issue.\nTaking the initiative\nThe first major event of the month was last week's Take Back the Night march. Bloomington Mayor John Fernandez said he has three main objectives for the month. They are raising awareness, showing the significance of the problem and helping citizens become more responsible, including holding the perpetrators accountable. \n"I can't think of anything more fundamental than one's ability to feel safe in one's home," Fernandez said. \nAddressing the problem is necessary, said Bloomington Police Captain Mike Diekhoff.\n"Anytime you raise awareness and get more people to understand the problem, that is a good thing and if the mayor is taking those steps, the mere fact of publicity will help draw attention," he said. \n"It is a societal problem, society needs to decide when enough is enough and the people who serve on juries need to convict these people." \nBloomington is no different from other cities. There are typically 40 to 50 domestic violence cases a year in Monroe County, said Stephen Sharp, Monroe County Sheriff. He said a first offense perpetrator is usually sentenced to 12 hours in jail for a misdemeanor and, if convicted of battery, a second offense is considered a felony.\n"We need to send the message that this is not a tolerable situation; if you do it, you're going to go to jail," he said. \nMonroe County Prosecutor Carl Salzmann said the public must be constantly educated. He also said that 80 to 85 percent of the cases include alcohol or other drugs.\nMiller said she had no idea her attacker was abusing drugs, but the violence escalated. \n"He was not always bad; he was nice at first and then got messed up on drugs," she said.\nPunishments, though, such as restraining orders might not be effective. Some abusers don't care about court orders and some will obey them, just like the speed limit, Diekhoff said. \n"Punishing someone for six months won't stop the cycle if they aren't given the correct tools," Salzmann said. "We need to live in a society that protects people's rights."\nA safe haven\nMiller said she recommends victims seek counseling to understand the problem. She said when her relationship began, her attacker was the "perfect gentlemen." In her case it all started with him being in control and once he established that, she fell into the abuse.\nThe Middle Way House, 404 W. Kirkwood Ave., is a nonprofit organization that helps abuse victims heal through various programs. According to its Web site, its mission is to end and prevent domestic violence. The programs range from a 24-hour crisis line to a residence for victims. The Middle Way House also includes a legal advocacy program which helps victims with legal aspects of violence and an on-scene advocacy program where employees work with the police and go to the scene if police call to help the victim. Between 1,200 to 1,500 families are involved in Middle Way House programs yearly. \n"We see ourselves as part of our community in response to domestic violence," said Toby Strout, executive director of the Middle Way House. \nWhen women leave Middle Way House they never come back the same, Strout said.\n"Leaving is a process ... but each time they're a little stronger and a little more knowledgeable," Strout said. "Across the county between 55 to 70 percent of women return to their abusive relationships, but at Middle Way House eight to 18 percent return. It is tremendously successful because they can stay here until they have an affordable place to go," she said. \nMiller was sent to Middle Way House to get away from her abuser. She stayed there for more than a month. \n"Middle Way was the No. 1 key that has helped me," Miller said. \nShe found a place to live and she didn't go back to her attacker. \n"The key is to not go back to these relationships and to follow through with the prosecutions," Sharp said. "The police can only do so much. If the victim goes back again, we just make another arrest and the vicious cycle continues." \nThe Clotheslines Project is another way to help abuse victims. It consists of a display of T-shirts adorned with designs by victims of domestic violence and is typically displayed hanging from a clothesline during various events and programs. It is designed to pay tribute to women and other people affected by domestic violence. The goal is to provide a therapeutic way for victims to express how it affected them and made them feel, said Paige Freitag, a volunteer of the Clothesline Project. \nMiller said domestic abuse victims should get outside help.\n"I'm happy now," she said. "If you're a victim like me, what are you waiting for? Get help before it is too late. Whatever you do, don't give up. It will get better. You'll never forget what has happened to you, you'll only learn from it." \nFernandez said he hopes citizens will use the month to educate themselves about domestic violence. He said residents should be aware of the problem and the organizations and projects that help victims. \n"We're all in this together," he said. "It is just not acceptable"