Condit quiz time

Pencils ready!\nYour first quiz!\nQuestion One: Who is Gary Condit?\nHere's a hint: He's a congressman from California who, by all accounts except his own, fooled around with Chandra Levy. \nQuestion Two: Who is Chandra Levy?\nHint: She's the former intern, and present missing person, who is said to have had an affair with Gary Condit (see question No. 1). \nPencils Down.\nI hope you scored well, because you've all had the best tutors money can buy -- Connie Chung, People magazine, USA Today. Broadcasters and the executives who speak through them have been giving Americans daily primers on the basics of Condit's on-again-off-again commitment to cooperating with the police in the Levy disappearance case. \nIf you haven't caught Condit fever, you're sure to soon. The word on the street is that they're going to confine Condit and his family to the same house occupied by Vernon Jordan, Kato Kaelin, and that butler who stole a whole bunch of furniture from the estate of Princess Diana. They'll rig the house with cameras, and each week the Supreme Court will get to vote one of the contestants ... I mean, news personalities, out of the house.\nBut that's only the word on the street.\nBut don't worry. It's not just reality television that's making room for the California congressman's story. Henry Winkler (Fonzie from television's "Happy Days") has been signed to play Condit in a television re-creation of the already popular news saga. Mayim Bialik and Joey Lawrence (reuniting after the cancellation of television's "Blossom") will play Condit's loyal children, while Florence Henderson (Carol Brady from television's "The Brady Bunch") is set to play his fragile wife.\nAdditionally, Condit himself is set to join the roster of the Cleveland Browns. Head coach Butch Davis commented that, "At least our television audience will expand."\nBut how Condit will have time to play football, and serve as the new KABC-Los Angeles weatherman, I'll never know.\nI asked Condit's new theatrical agent how his client was surviving the double stress of new-found fame and involvement in a police investigation. Marty told me that "the congressman is exploring all his options. Of course, he's interested in signing Harrison Ford for the film, but Michael Douglas is still on the back burner, so to speak. Of course all of this is exciting for Gary, but remember, this guy has to make it back to Washington at least a couple of times a week -- you know, to cast votes, and whatever."\nAnd what does Condit's stylist, whose famous blow-dries have been bandied about as the defining feature of the Condit look (watch out for a Condit hair care product line), think of all this?\n"I just kept telling Gary, 'You've got one of those get-noticed faces, Gary.' I knew it wouldn't be long before he became a big celeb. I mean, just look at all that volume!"\n(There's just one downside to all of this Hollywood glitz and glamour. Oh, well, besides the fact that there's a young woman missing from her home and family. I mean the real downside to the dreamy tinsel-town tale we've told.)\nIt's not far from the truth.