Finding my inner diva

I have tried to be a diva since birth, but not the kind of princess who can sing Britney better than the pop star herself. And not the tall supermodel with the long blond locks who struts the catwalks in Paris and Milan. I will never be one of those girls.\nI am no Cindy or Pamela, but I am a female, loud and proud. In my humble opinion, that makes me a diva.\nI do not have the beauty to bring Brad Pitt to his knees or moves to bring Ricky Martin to tears, but I do have faith in my female sisters and pride that I have tried to stand up for myself, as a woman and as a person.\nTo me the essence of diva embodies more than a good voice or a great body. It is the ability to stay strong for females, in times of glory and in weakness. It is more than a face, which will eventually change. It is an attitude of survival, strength and commitment to be the best I can be, despite gender or breast size.\nOn a cold January day not too long ago, I sat down and wrote a list of hopeful resolutions for the new year. My first priority was to try harder to stand up for myself against boyfriends, friends and random guys in bars and at bus stops. I don't want to stand in the streets and scream for feminism; that is not my cause. I just want to remember my worth and refuse to compromise, even after a few beers or on a particularly lonely night.\nI was reminded of these vows when I went channel surfing last night and happened to land on a segment of Divas Week 2001 on VH1. This fourth annual celebration of divas culminates with the ultimate diva special, Aretha Franklin-style April 10 in Radio City Music Hall. \nMany artists, from the Backstreet Boys to Kid Rock, are coming together to pay homage to the queen of soul herself and all the other divas who have continued to shout for some R-E-S-P-E-C-T.\nAs a guy friend and I listened to one of the VJs and Faith Hill giving props to females everywhere, my friend began his inevitable ranting about how it is contradictory that these women, in skimpy clothes, singing about men (in many cases) are the essence of a strong female. These "divas," he said, just put women in the place they have always been, chasing after the man. In some ways, I think he was right.\nThe special on VH1 is simply a reminder of the respect for which I continue to fight; their celebration is not my celebration. I am no Whitney Houston. But more importantly, if being Whitney or Britney means compromising what I stand for, the status of pop diva is not worth it.\nMany would argue that most of VH1's diva performers don't stand up for females in the way that feminism would want. Pamela Anderson is widely considered a sex object and Janet Jackson's music videos have been said to portray her in a degrading way. And Mariah Carey -- just look at how she parades around. \nMy hope for people is that they can keep their standards high and never sacrifice them, even in times of loneliness, intoxication or maybe just a state of attention-starvation. \nWhat VH1 reminded me of is that I have not been the diva I know I can be. I have failed to demand respect in many situations, and my standards for the ways I want to live my life have been compromised. \nBeing a diva doesn't mean the nicest clothes, the prettiest face or the hottest body. All of those things are nice and certainly help land dates and achieve fame, but they are not the essence of the female spirit. A true diva has the respect inside that shows outside in her actions, her battles and the morals that define what she does, where she does it and who she does it with. \nStrutting her stuff on the stage, Miss Janet might seem to be simply something sexy. But what she possesses inside is not evident as she sings her songs or does her skilled dance moves. \nJust because my friend looks at these women and sees sex doesn't mean that sex is all that is there. \nI only hope that in my struggle to be the female and person that I can be, that I stand truer to my standards, hold tighter to my values and fight harder so that the person you see is the person I truly want to be.