Enough with the Australian cliches

Before I left Australia, I was told I might encounter a few Americans who were ignorant to the ins and outs of the Australian lifestyle. Little did I know that those few would actually account for 90 percent of the population.\nBy the time the 20th person asked me if I had kangaroos in my backyard, I had begun to realize just how little everybody knows about Australian culture. Not that I'm complaining about any of the attention I received when I arrived. It's nice to arrive in a strange country and be welcomed by its people, who actually seem interested or excited to meet you. \nBut everybody reaches a point at which the novelty wears off. My Aussie counterpart Sharon Kerlin and I have what we call the two-week trial: After we meet someone, they get all of the questions out of their cliche bank and get to know us as people rather than Australians, or they lose interest and have nothing left to say.\nA lot of paranoia comes with the realization that people might only be talking to me because I speak with a "cool" accent, or I'm the exotic stranger with tales from the mysterious "land down under." \nAt first, I was wary of making friends because I was just be a novelty item to them. Nobody wants to be known as the token Aussie friend. \nNow, as I head toward the end of my time here, I am able to tell who my friends are because they actually like me, and who is just interested in having a friend from Australia. Because we all know how expensive travel is these days, and free accommodation in Australia is a pretty good deal.\nI shouldn't make myself out to be the victim of superficial people. I have had my fair share of fun with the lack of knowledge about my homeland. I've played up to the cliches people have about what I should be like, telling them I have a pet kangaroo and we all live in grass huts in the outback. \nWithout a doubt, the crowning moment in my storytelling is when Sharon and I convinced people that not only do we know the Crocodile Hunter, but he is Sharon's dad. I know some of you must be thinking how cruel it is to joke about something as serious as the Crocodile Hunter, but the fact that I had never heard of him before I got here makes me suspicious about whether he is even Australian. If it wasn't for the surprisingly accurate accent, I would think his wife was not the only American on that program. \nI don't blame the population of the United States for believing the images they are given about Australia, since all they have is what is shown on TV and in the movies. If Australians perceived Americans under the same misconceptions, we'd think you were all Jerry Springer-worthy trailer trash.\nMy task is to educate you about what a real Australian is. Most of us live in cities or urban areas, we love Aussie Rules football, and it's not soccer or rugby. We do not have kangaroos, or koalas or any other wild animals as pets. Do you know how vicious those things are? It's the equivalent of an American having a grizzly bear in his backyard. \nWe live in normal houses and drive normal cars, and most of us wouldn't go within a hundred kilometers of a crocodile. I don't own a hat with shark's teeth around the brim and -- brace yourself -- real Australians don't drink Foster's beer. I have yet to even see it sold at any pub in Australia.\nI know I might have upset some of you, because it's always hard to hear observations about your own culture that don't sound flattering. But for all of the ignorance I have encountered here, I have found Americans in general to be great people, and I've made some great friends.\nAnd besides, as Sharon says, I'm on the opinion page and that's my opinion. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got something important to do. "The Crocodile Hunter" starts in 15 minutes.