McMahon's high hopes

I wanted to see football in the spring. I wanted something to watch before I went out Saturday nights. I wanted to pick a favorite team and talk trash to my buddies.\nI haven't even found somebody who likes the XFL. Even all my wrestling buddies don't think it will make it. Now it gets harder even for me to defend it. \nVince McMahon and Dick Ebersol, owners of the XFL, are determined to make it work. McMahon assures he is not going to give up on the new football league.\nSomething that needs to change in these prime-time football games is the announcing. We need people who know football. Not all of us understand the plays different teams run, and we are curious. What the XFL needs is somebody like John Madden who can explain football by using a white marker on the television screen. This would get people focusing more on football, rather than the idea that the game is just a hoax. \nPlayers in the XFL get to pick a nickname on the back of their jerseys. Unfortunately, the announcers don't wear jerseys. Once Jesse "The Body" Ventura, I think a more appropriate name would be Jesse "The Annoying Commentator" Ventura. Unless he is reading from a script, he has no excuse to be such a bad announcer. The "feud" he has going with Rusty Tillman is nothing more than a feeble attempt at a ratings boost. Here is an idea, Jesse; look at the ratings. \nVentura already went too far by becoming governor of Minnesota. Now he's trying to swim against the current as an XFL announcer. If he continues, he is going to drown.\nJim Ross also gets bothersome to listen to when I try to enjoy a football game. The enthusiasm is great -- when I am watching Monday Night Raw. But when I am trying to watch a game where "He Hate Me" is running down the field, I feel like a chair just hit "The Rock." I admire the love you have for football, Mr. Ross; you are a wonderful WWF announcer. Although I agree that commentators need to be enthusiastic, Ross needs to take a chill pill.\nA lot of the games are nail biters. The only problem is that less and less people are watching them. So far ratings have dropped 75 percent since week 1. Although my stats teacher will kill me if he reads this, my calculations show that at the rate these ratings drop, there will only be about 10-15 people watching the championship game. \nAs the XFL columnist, if this league disappears I won't have a job -- I already got fired from my WWF column. Since my fan club doesn't send me any money (I don't even know anyone in my fan club), I will need to find another way to make $6 every other week. \nAs I did by tuning in every Saturday morning as a kid to watch Hulk Hogan, I will save the XFL with this letter: \nDear Vince McMahon,\nThis is Eric Talbot. I write a bi-weekly column for the Indiana Daily Student on your XFL. You had a good idea in the beginning. But you are not marketing the product as expected. You should never have hired wrestling gurus to announce football games. Let Dick Butkus do all the games; he is the greatest of all time (GO BEARS!). Oh, and by the way, your television ratings are slipping a little bit, but I bet you noticed that. Oh, and by the way, if you don't keep this league afloat like you say you will, I demand you hire me to work for the WWF.\n-- Eric Talbot\nHopefully, I will be able to talk about the players in my next column, but let's take it one step at a time.