Floccinaucinihili-pilification

The metaphorical stuff is hitting the fan in the Internet universe.\nThe title of "Most Downloaded Woman" is currently being debated, and all kinds of people are losing sleep. \nActress Cindy Margolis holds the "Guiness Book of World Records" title of the "Most Downloaded Woman." But if she isn't the most downloaded woman tomorrow, then the universe as we know it might not continue to exist.\nUp will be down. Cats will chase dogs. Satan will live in an igloo. And husbands will refuse to buy tampons for their wives.\nWhat would we all do if Margolis was no longer the queen of the Internet download? Well, the logical thing would be to go on with the rest of our lives. \nNot to burst Margolis's little bubble here, but who really cares about the record besides her and a bunch of people who have made money off her many "assets"?\nThe fact of the matter is that the record is stupid. In fact, there are more asinine records in the "Guiness Book of World Records" than there are blades of grass in Memorial Stadium.\nAll I have to say to people trying to make trivial records is "floccinaucinihilipilification." That is the longest non-medical word in the English language, according to Guiness, and it means "the act of estimating something as worthless. I estimate all your searches for fame as worthless.\nIt is actually mind-boggling that some people would spend time coming up with some of these scenarios. \nA guy named John Evans balanced a car on his head for 12 seconds and made a record. What possessed ol' John to get the idea to put a car on his head is beyond me. It's not like he could blame it on his friends ' "But honey, all the guys are doing it…"\nAnd back in 1931, Bezbordny and Goniusch took part in the longest face-slapping contest ever. The event took place in Kiev, and a draw was declared after 30 hours. Thirty hours! And how did they score it as a draw? Don King probably had a hand in this one.\nBut my favorite record in Guiness is the title of "World's Worst Driver." Two people actually hold this title, but they both deserve it. \nThe first record-holder is a 62-year-old woman who failed her driving test 40 times before finally passing it in 1970. The irony of her situation is that she spent more than $700 on driving lessons, and when she finally passed, she couldn't afford a car.\nThe second distinguished driver is a 75-year-old man who earned his distinction Oct. 15, 1966. The gentleman received 10 traffic tickets, drove on the wrong side of the road four times, committed four hit and run offenses and caused six accidents. That might not sound like much for the "World's Worst Driver," but he did it all in a span of 20 minutes.\nThe weird thing about the "Guiness Book of World Records" is that it has almost as many dubious records as honorable ones.\nMaking a record should always fall into the arena of making your mother happy she spent time in labor with you. There is a Guiness record for a man breaking a slab of concrete on his groin. Can you imagine what his mother tells her friends? \n"Well, Jimmy was just walking down the street, and some concrete just ran right into his groin. It broke … the concrete, not Jimmy's 'jimmy.'"\nHaving our 15 minutes of fame should not be more important than looking like a fool. Going through life and making accomplishments that help us keep our heads high is what should be important.\nIf the only thing I cared about was getting in the "Guiness Book of World Records," I would write them and say I have worn Michael Moy's shoes more than anyone in the entire world. That would be a record, but who cares? I don't even care, and they're my shoes.\nWhat we should have is a group of people ' of sound mind and body ' who can distinguish between what goes in the record books and what gets thrown back in the ocean of stupidity.\nIt's time to start caring about who is honored in this world and for what reasons. \nAnd as for Cindy Margolis and her downloads … all I have to say is, download me a river because your record-crying is really starting to annoy me.