A sexual orientation to IU

Welcome back or welcome for the first time -- you've gone through orientation or you are an old hand, a veteran of getting to class with no one watching your every move. College is a wonderful experience either way.\nIf you've never read this column before, as the title suggests, it's about HIV and it's about me, a PLWA in the most politically-correct language -- a person living with AIDS.\nIf we start our conversation here, there are a few things you should know. \nMy health is generally OK, I don't look overtly ill, and without the ugly photo you see here, you might pass me on the street with no indication that I have a terminal illness. I don't walk funny or seem disabled in any category you might be used to encountering.\nI am gay, and I acquired HIV in the way many people have -- through unprotected sex. I've never shared needles for drug use or to tattoo myself. I have no piercings anywhere on my body, and don't intend to have any. I'm a graduate student, and I'm almost 40. (So, yes, mathematically I'm old enough to be your father, but try not to remind me of that when we meet). I don't act like I have HIV and I don't act my age (which is, I suppose, both good and bad).\nIf you don't know any gay people, college isn't a bad place to start expanding your horizons. Gay people are very much like you, and do not have an inborn desire to have sex with children, have group sex or be promiscuous. I certainly was promiscuous, but that was a choice on my part, and had nothing to do with being gay. I just really like sex.\nIn fact, I still really like sex, even after my diagnosis of AIDS (a Christmas present in 1997). I met the love of my life a year before I was diagnosed and he was, and still is, negative. We have good sex, but safer sex, and he has gotten used to seeing me talk about it in print. You have to be a good sport if your partner writes a column about having AIDS and having a life.\nI don't know who or where or even how HIV first entered my life. Unfortunately, a bell doesn't sound when you become infected. Considering my age, and the fact that I was sexually active before HIV was even a commonly understood virus, there were many opportunities. My real introduction to it came when a former partner of mine died in the late '80s, and my acquaintance with it extended through many other deaths of friends or casual sexual partners.\nOne of my favorite activities outside of going to classes about Information Science (the most totally fascinating area of study) is being an HIV test counselor. I volunteer for Positive Link once a week. This agency helps people such as myself acquire insurance coverage from the state (since no one else is going to help us do it); find resources for therapy, both mental and physical; and provide a shoulder to lean on when the going gets tough. It's their job, and they actually like doing it.\nThey also administer anonymous HIV testing for south central Indiana. Anonymous testing means you do not have to use your name at any point in the testing process, from having your blood drawn, to sending it to the state lab for testing, to receiving your result. As a test counselor, I'm bound by a pledge of confidentiality to respect your privacy; as a person with AIDS, I'm bound by a much higher duty to make sure you feel comfortable testing, so you never have to join my club. The dues are way too high.\nOn this campus, as on every other campus, there are people with HIV. There are, though, many more people with gonorrhea, syphilis, genital warts, herpes, hepatitis or chlamydia. Yes, you can acquire HIV through one mistake, but it's more likely you'll acquire something else. Fortunately, protecting yourself against HIV will also help you protect yourself against most of the other sexually-transmitted diseases. \nThere are lots of people to help you when you've made a mistake -- Positive Link cooperates with the Family Planning clinic in the same building, and they can test you for the common STDs. IU Health and Wellness will steer you in the direction of tests, give you some condoms, and all with a smile -- just tell Anne and Kathryn that Mark sent you. \nBloomington is home to a group called Lascivious Exhibitions, and if you see one of their safer sex presentations on the calendar, make time and go. They are sex-positive in the best way possible, and as committed as I am to your fun and safe enjoyment. They help you eroticize those awkward moments when you are trying to wrap up Mr. Penis for his drive through Happy Valley, and prepare Ms. Vagina for her next encounter. \nBy now, you should know that HIV is not a "gay" disease. In case you don't know this, ponder the fact that of the estimated 40 million cases of HIV worldwide, more than 90 percent of them are estimated to have occurred through heterosexual transmission. The United States is anomalous in the world for its initial preponderance of homosexual transmission.\nPonder, too, the fact that gay people no longer make up the majority of HIV cases in this country.\nFinally, while this column is about a gay man living with AIDS, I've learned a few things in the past 40 years that apply to just about everyone. I"ve learned sex is a personal decision and that alcohol and drugs can blur your judgment. I've learned that sometimes sex is used as a means of communication; and that people are not always honest about their sexual history and their state of health. Sometimes communication is not all it's cracked up to be.\nYou aren't alone here -- I love my life and, surprisingly, yours too -- and if I have anything to say about it, you'll never have HIV.