There's a storm a-brewin'



sharknado_a87342

Grade: D+

B-movie curve: C

The perhaps less-than-anticipated “Sharknado 4: the 4th Awakens” is set to premiere July 31 on the Syfy channel and, although I boast about my love of quality films, I’m of-fish-ially pumped.

I’ve gained an affinity for things that are deemed “so bad they’re good.”

My most recent ventures include the early-1990’s sci-fi-heavy-on-the-fi series “Twin Peaks” and the 2003 independent film “The Room,” created by Tommy Wiseau, a self-made man with a $6 million budget who didn’t understand the difference between shooting on film and digital so he decided to shoot the entire film on both. Truly the American dream.

Don’t worry – what Wiseau lacks in knowledge of producing and directing he does not make up for in 
performance.

After adding these to my repertoire of cringe-worthy classics, the “Sharknado” trilogy seemed like the obvious next step.

The plot of the Syfy channel’s 2013 release “Sharknado” is what you’d expect: a giant tornado of sharks makes it’s way to the west coast where a group of locals led by aptly-named Fin Shepard, played by Ian Ziering, and equipped with a token hot girl take it upon themselves to be the heroes and save Los Angeles.

It’s got the formula for the perfect sci-fi movie, complete with some of the worst CGI I’ve ever seen, safety warnings that no one heeds and gobs of fake blood.

It’s good as long as you suspend your disbelief.

Like really, take your disbelief and throw it into a garbage can along with your snobbish high standards for the “art of cinema” that you pretend to have around your friends. And then throw that garbage can into a 
sharknado.

The sharks can jump to unrealistic heights, like on top of a school bus dangling from an overpass, and can survive being swirled inside the eye of a tornado until they touch ground to attack, which is probably impossible because of something with science.

Though the danger of the impending sharknado is obvious, the snarky comments from almost every character in the film are the truly the shade from which no one is safe.

Lines such as “My mom always told me Hollywood would kill me,” “We’re gonna need a bigger chopper” and “Looks like it’s that time of the month,” just to name a few.

I did have a couple of gripes with the film.

My favorite character George, played by John Heard, your typical snide old man at the bar, doesn’t make it much past the first 20 minutes of the film. We lose his refreshing old-man charm all too soon as he is plowed over by a wave of sharks.

I mean come on, Syfy. The survivors can’t all be decently attractive with ambiguous ages between 17 and 45.

Another big miss on the writers’ part — they don’t use the word “sharknado” enough. I had to wait almost the entire movie to hear it once.

But I guess they didn’t say, “Hey, look, there’s Jaws!” in the movie “Jaws,” so maybe I should lay off.

At any rate, you have to appreciate “Sharknado” for what it is — a cheesy, B-movie thriller about what might happen if a tropical storm picked up some sharks and the laws of physics were abandoned.

And, all things considered, I’ve clearly seen worse.

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