‘Collaring’ ceremony educates students about BDSM lifestyle

On a beautiful but chilly Saturday in April, friends gathered in the coffeehouse in the basement of Collins to witness the union of sophomores Graham Skinner and Rebecca Dacso.\nThe couple was doing a mock collaring for Dacso’s Collins Q199: Residential Learning Workshop, class project, fulfilling a requirement to get the “community involved” in their research.\n“Getting collared” is the BDSM version of a wedding, “pretty much pledging to live a lifestyle,” Dasco said. Skinner said collarings are performed between two people in a committed BDSM relationship.\nThe different letters of the “BDSM” acronym, for instance, can mean different things, Graham said. The “B” usually stands for bondage. The “D” can mean discipline or domination, the “S” submission or sadism. “M” is for masochism.\nDacso said the rituals of collaring can vary but her own ceremony was similar to a wedding: The two exchanged “declarations” similar to wedding vows, and the ceremony ended with Dacso kneeling while Skinner placed a thick black collar around her neck, complete with a piece of yarn instead of a real lock. Dacso said that for a real collaring to be complete, the “sub,” or submissive, wears a lock to show he or she is “taken.”\nDacso said most collarings aren’t as public. Usually they involve only the couple and maybe a witness. However, close to 20 people attended Dasco’s collaring, as it was intended as a demonstration to educate the public.\nDacso also said that, instead of wearing her white skirt and top, she would be naked in a typical collaring.\nFollowing their collaring, Dacso and Skinner sat on a panel with a couple that practices BDSM. The Collins residents were encouraged to ask questions about the lifestyle.\nThe couple on the panel said they don’t have plans to get collared. But James, a sophomore who asked that his last name not be revealed, said he still wears a blue nylon collar as a sign of commitment.\nThe couple met more than two years ago and said that collaring isn’t for them because they like a “switch relationship,” meaning they switch who the “sub” is and who the “dom” is.\nJames said that at first he wasn’t into BDSM. Those who aren’t are referred to as “vanilla,” while the term “chocolate” is used for those who are, he said. Since the couple attended the International Mr. Leather Contest in Chicago, James now jokes, “I’m chocolate with sprinkles.”\nVictor, James’ partner, who also asked that his last name not be revealed, said he was interested in the lifestyle early but hadn’t had a partner to explore with. \n“I had friends who were into BDSM since my freshman year of high school,” the senior said.\nThe two said their parents and friends know about their BDSM relationship. James said he told his father he was going to Chicago for the leather convention.\nOn the other hand, Victor said that when his parents asked why he was leaving town, he merely told them, “‘You’re happy not knowing,’ and they accepted that.”\nVictor said that their friends don’t seem to care about their lifestyle. \n“I’ll wear my collar and my leash and my tail,” James said. He said the tail isn’t just a fashion statement – it’s for “puppy play.”\nWithin the culture of BDSM, there are various subgroups or fetishes that the panel touched on, one of which was puppy play, in which the “sub” of the relationship acts as a puppy obedient to the master. The panel also mentioned “furries” who wear mascot suits and “pony play,” similar to puppy play with a dominant partner.\n“People have a lot of misconceptions. It’s a much broader subculture,” Dacso said.\nBoth Skinner and Dacso emphasize that the collaring does not necessarily have to do with sex. Dacso said that she had read an account where a “dom” treated his subs like furniture, and they didn’t have sex. \nGraham and Dacso explained that some of the fetishes range from surgical tools to leather and latex. A popular surgical tool is a “pin wheel,” Skinner said. It “pricks you to make you feel like you were cut, but you aren’t.”\nThe group also mentioned using ball gags, floggers and even just simple silk scarves to create the feeling of bondage.\n“A big part of doing any particular play is researching it,” James said. “The safe words are if you aren’t comfortable with something.”\nDacso said that “it comes down to role-playing” and that a partner can always say no to something.