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(07/07/05 4:00am)
"The Pacifier" is a typical cookie-cutter Hollywood movie. Nothing really new comes out of it aside from replacing the cheap laughs of a testicle biting dog with the cheap laughs of a testicle-biting duck. Even for a kids' movie the humor is pretty low-brow, and you can guess the entire plot just from hearing the premise. Vin Diesel is Shane Wolfe, a Navy SEAL whose next mission is babysitting the family of a dead scientist. At first he and the children don't get along but eventually they start to love each other. Only by working together like a family can they vanquish the bad guys. In the end, Wolfe learns the most important lesson of all, family is the best part of life ... blah, blah, blah.\nDon't get me wrong, "The Pacifier" is probably great if you are still fascinated by things like Play-Doh and sandboxes (not passing any judgment). For the rest of us, "The Pacifier," is little more than an hour and a half of crappy slapstick humor and bad acting. Actually the most fascinating part about the film is Vin Diesel's uncanny resemblance to a talking thumb. In fact, if I used a Sharpie marker to draw a smiley face on my own thumb, said thumb would probably do a better job of acting.\nThen again, considering Adam Shankman directed this movie, we are lucky it isn't any worse. "The Pacifier" is only slightly better than the other saccharine drivel that Shankman has directed, like "Bringing Down the House" or "The Wedding Planner." With credentials like these it is no surprise that this is the man who was chosen to take the helm of the "Cheaper by the Dozen" sequel.\nThe special features on the DVD are pretty run-of-the-mill. There is a blooper reel, a vainglorious making-of featurette and director commentary with Adam Shankman which is so banal that I dare anyone to watch more than 20 minutes of it without feeling the impending need to vomit.\nOverall this DVD is suitable for only two types of people: children and masochists. Anyone else should stay as far away from this movie as is humanly possible.
(07/07/05 12:33am)
"The Pacifier" is a typical cookie-cutter Hollywood movie. Nothing really new comes out of it aside from replacing the cheap laughs of a testicle biting dog with the cheap laughs of a testicle-biting duck. Even for a kids' movie the humor is pretty low-brow, and you can guess the entire plot just from hearing the premise. Vin Diesel is Shane Wolfe, a Navy SEAL whose next mission is babysitting the family of a dead scientist. At first he and the children don't get along but eventually they start to love each other. Only by working together like a family can they vanquish the bad guys. In the end, Wolfe learns the most important lesson of all, family is the best part of life ... blah, blah, blah.\nDon't get me wrong, "The Pacifier" is probably great if you are still fascinated by things like Play-Doh and sandboxes (not passing any judgment). For the rest of us, "The Pacifier," is little more than an hour and a half of crappy slapstick humor and bad acting. Actually the most fascinating part about the film is Vin Diesel's uncanny resemblance to a talking thumb. In fact, if I used a Sharpie marker to draw a smiley face on my own thumb, said thumb would probably do a better job of acting.\nThen again, considering Adam Shankman directed this movie, we are lucky it isn't any worse. "The Pacifier" is only slightly better than the other saccharine drivel that Shankman has directed, like "Bringing Down the House" or "The Wedding Planner." With credentials like these it is no surprise that this is the man who was chosen to take the helm of the "Cheaper by the Dozen" sequel.\nThe special features on the DVD are pretty run-of-the-mill. There is a blooper reel, a vainglorious making-of featurette and director commentary with Adam Shankman which is so banal that I dare anyone to watch more than 20 minutes of it without feeling the impending need to vomit.\nOverall this DVD is suitable for only two types of people: children and masochists. Anyone else should stay as far away from this movie as is humanly possible.
(06/16/05 4:00am)
Be Cool" is the latest and, dare I say, worst adaptation of an Elmore Leonard novel to date (narrowly edging out that recent travesty "The Big Bounce"). It is the sequel to "Get Shorty." Actually, the plot, dialogue, characters and jokes are so similar to the original, that it might be more accurate to call it a remake.\nIn "Get Shorty," Chili Palmer (John Travolta) decides that he wants to get out of the loan shark business and into the movie business. Along the way his progress is impeded by three groups of criminals. Aided by his new-found love interest, a veteran in the movie industry, he overcomes all obstacles by playing everyone against each other. \nFor the plot to "Be Cool," replace "movie" with "music" and "loan shark" with "lone shark turned movie producer." Then replace subtle intelligent humor with bland predictable jokes.\nOne of the more irritating parts of the movie is its attempts at satire. The beginning of the movie is spent making fun of PG-13 movies and sequels (Oh how clever, "Be Cool" IS a PG-13 sequel). These jokes are so hackneyed I half expected a rim shot to signify the punch line. But by far the most depressing example of the failed satire in "Be Cool" is the dance sequence featuring Palmer and his love interest, Edie Athens (Uma Thurman). This marks the first time Travolta and Thurman have worked together since "Pulp Fiction." Director F. Gary Gray decided to pay homage to the twist contest from that film by staging his own, far more tedious, dance scene. I assume this was Gray's attempt at post-modernism, but in reality it is just bile-inducing. \nThere are some redeeming qualities to this movie. Vince Vaughn affords some funny lines as Raji, the poseur record executive. The Rock puts forth a good effort as Raji's gay body guard, Elliot. And Outkast's André 3000 is hilarious in his first major role, playing gangsta rapper Dabu. \nHowever, most of the performances are OK at best. Thurman, Travolta, Harvey Keitel and the ironically named Cedric the Entertainer all courageously wield the power of mediocrity with their innocuous performances. Then there is the virtually talentless Cristina Milian. Every minute Milian was on screen is a minute of my life that I want back. Her role as Linda Moon required her to both sing and act. I would equate her performance to Mariah Carrey in "Glitter," except Mariah Carrey can at least sing.\nThe DVD itself is loaded with special features such as deleted scenes, cast profiles and a behind-the-scenes documentary. If for some baffling reason you actually enjoyed this movie, then the DVD is worth buying. If, however, you have never seen "Be Cool" then don't bother. Instead rent "Get Shorty" or "Jackie Brown" and see what happens when a talented director adapts an Elmore Leonard novel.
(06/16/05 2:40am)
Be Cool" is the latest and, dare I say, worst adaptation of an Elmore Leonard novel to date (narrowly edging out that recent travesty "The Big Bounce"). It is the sequel to "Get Shorty." Actually, the plot, dialogue, characters and jokes are so similar to the original, that it might be more accurate to call it a remake.\nIn "Get Shorty," Chili Palmer (John Travolta) decides that he wants to get out of the loan shark business and into the movie business. Along the way his progress is impeded by three groups of criminals. Aided by his new-found love interest, a veteran in the movie industry, he overcomes all obstacles by playing everyone against each other. \nFor the plot to "Be Cool," replace "movie" with "music" and "loan shark" with "lone shark turned movie producer." Then replace subtle intelligent humor with bland predictable jokes.\nOne of the more irritating parts of the movie is its attempts at satire. The beginning of the movie is spent making fun of PG-13 movies and sequels (Oh how clever, "Be Cool" IS a PG-13 sequel). These jokes are so hackneyed I half expected a rim shot to signify the punch line. But by far the most depressing example of the failed satire in "Be Cool" is the dance sequence featuring Palmer and his love interest, Edie Athens (Uma Thurman). This marks the first time Travolta and Thurman have worked together since "Pulp Fiction." Director F. Gary Gray decided to pay homage to the twist contest from that film by staging his own, far more tedious, dance scene. I assume this was Gray's attempt at post-modernism, but in reality it is just bile-inducing. \nThere are some redeeming qualities to this movie. Vince Vaughn affords some funny lines as Raji, the poseur record executive. The Rock puts forth a good effort as Raji's gay body guard, Elliot. And Outkast's André 3000 is hilarious in his first major role, playing gangsta rapper Dabu. \nHowever, most of the performances are OK at best. Thurman, Travolta, Harvey Keitel and the ironically named Cedric the Entertainer all courageously wield the power of mediocrity with their innocuous performances. Then there is the virtually talentless Cristina Milian. Every minute Milian was on screen is a minute of my life that I want back. Her role as Linda Moon required her to both sing and act. I would equate her performance to Mariah Carrey in "Glitter," except Mariah Carrey can at least sing.\nThe DVD itself is loaded with special features such as deleted scenes, cast profiles and a behind-the-scenes documentary. If for some baffling reason you actually enjoyed this movie, then the DVD is worth buying. If, however, you have never seen "Be Cool" then don't bother. Instead rent "Get Shorty" or "Jackie Brown" and see what happens when a talented director adapts an Elmore Leonard novel.
(05/12/05 4:00am)
One night in 1971, Douglas Adams was lying in a field in Innsbruck, Austria staring up at the stars, and pouring over a borrowed copy of a travel book called "Hitch-hiker's Guide to Europe." Then the thought occurred to him that someone ought to write a guide for hitchhiking the galaxy. \nSince then, the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" has appeared in many forms. It has been done and redone as a radio program, video game, television show, and of course the prolific five-book trilogy. It has accumulated a cult following of biblical proportions (and God said unto them "We apologize for the inconvenience"). Millions of "Hitchhiker" fans simultaneously exhaled a deep sigh of relief since first time director Garth Jennings didn't mess up the movie that they have been waiting years to see. Maybe that's why it was so windy on Friday ... \nIf you have never heard of the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," the plot is quite simple. Arthur Dent (Martin Freeman) and his friend Ford Prefect (Mos Def) escape Earth just moments before it is destroyed by Vogons. They do some interstellar hitchhiking and find themselves on a stolen ship with Galactic President Zaphod Beeblebrox (Sam Rockwell), his girlfriend Trillian (Zooey Deschanel) and a clinically depressed robot named Marvin (voiced by Alan Rickman). Together they go on a quest to find the ultimate question to Life, the Universe and Everything ... and some tea for Arthur. Of course I use the term "plot" loosely, since the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" is not as much a story as it is a bunch of funny ideas being constantly interrupted by other tangential funny ideas lazily meandering their way toward a bizarre and seemingly pointless end. But it's funny. Very funny. Probably the funniest movie to come out so far this year.\nThe acting is great; particularly by Rockwell, whose performance can best be described by the phrase "what if George W. Bush was a rock star?" Even the smaller roles brought in great performances from Bill Nighy as Slartibartfast, John Malkovich as Humma Kavula, and a brief cameo by Jason Schwartzman as Gag Halfront. The only possible exception was Deschanel, who's flat performance was still not enough to detract from the great effort by the rest of the cast.\nAdams was working on having a "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" film produced at the time of his death in 2001. It is a shame that he isn't alive to see how good of a job they did with his script, but this film is a wonderful tribute to one of the funniest authors of all time.
(05/12/05 12:23am)
One night in 1971, Douglas Adams was lying in a field in Innsbruck, Austria staring up at the stars, and pouring over a borrowed copy of a travel book called "Hitch-hiker's Guide to Europe." Then the thought occurred to him that someone ought to write a guide for hitchhiking the galaxy. \nSince then, the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" has appeared in many forms. It has been done and redone as a radio program, video game, television show, and of course the prolific five-book trilogy. It has accumulated a cult following of biblical proportions (and God said unto them "We apologize for the inconvenience"). Millions of "Hitchhiker" fans simultaneously exhaled a deep sigh of relief since first time director Garth Jennings didn't mess up the movie that they have been waiting years to see. Maybe that's why it was so windy on Friday ... \nIf you have never heard of the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy," the plot is quite simple. Arthur Dent (Martin Freeman) and his friend Ford Prefect (Mos Def) escape Earth just moments before it is destroyed by Vogons. They do some interstellar hitchhiking and find themselves on a stolen ship with Galactic President Zaphod Beeblebrox (Sam Rockwell), his girlfriend Trillian (Zooey Deschanel) and a clinically depressed robot named Marvin (voiced by Alan Rickman). Together they go on a quest to find the ultimate question to Life, the Universe and Everything ... and some tea for Arthur. Of course I use the term "plot" loosely, since the "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" is not as much a story as it is a bunch of funny ideas being constantly interrupted by other tangential funny ideas lazily meandering their way toward a bizarre and seemingly pointless end. But it's funny. Very funny. Probably the funniest movie to come out so far this year.\nThe acting is great; particularly by Rockwell, whose performance can best be described by the phrase "what if George W. Bush was a rock star?" Even the smaller roles brought in great performances from Bill Nighy as Slartibartfast, John Malkovich as Humma Kavula, and a brief cameo by Jason Schwartzman as Gag Halfront. The only possible exception was Deschanel, who's flat performance was still not enough to detract from the great effort by the rest of the cast.\nAdams was working on having a "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" film produced at the time of his death in 2001. It is a shame that he isn't alive to see how good of a job they did with his script, but this film is a wonderful tribute to one of the funniest authors of all time.
(04/21/05 4:00am)
Pedro Almodóvar's (of "Talk to Her" fame) newest film, "Bad Education," is a campy noir thriller told through three interwoven stories. \nThe first is the story of Enrique (Fele Martinéz), a film director, who is paid a visit by Ignacio, his grade school friend and first love. Ignacio (Gael García Bernal), now an actor, has a script he wants Enrique to read partially based on their relationship in grade school. The second story takes place in the imagination of Enrique as he reads the script. In this story, a transvestite, Ignacio (operating under the stage name Zahara) picks up a man while performing. After intercourse, Ignacio discovers the man is his childhood friend Enrique, who has written a script about Ignacio's sexual abuse at the hands of Father Manolo (Daniel Gimenez Cacho), the principal at the Catholic boarding school the boys attended. Ignacio steals the script and takes it to Father Manolo in an attempt to blackmail him. The third story takes place in the mind of Father Manolo as he reads part of the script. This story recounts the actual experiences of the real-life (in terms of the story) Ignacio and Enrique at the school.\nAs complicated as all of that sounds, the movie is actually quite easy to follow. Actually, the hardest thing to figure out about this movie is how it got the kiss of death NC-17 rating. "Bad Education" has its share of risqué moments, like two children giving each other hand jobs or a transvestite resplendent in a dress made to look like the naked female body (complete with pubic hair made from yarn). However, apparently the only difference between the NC-17 and R versions of the movie is that the oral sex scene is blurred out in the R version. This is insane since there is absolutely no nudity in the scene; it is just a head bobbing up and down. I guarantee that if this same scene featured a heterosexual couple, the MPAA would have had no problem with it.\nThere are plenty of special features on the DVD, including a couple of featurettes and commentary by Almodóvar. Overall, it's a pretty run-of-the-mill DVD release. \nThis is a very good movie as long as you don't mind a few uncomfortable moments (after seeing Ignacio sporting some extreme cleavage with his breast implants, I may have to seek some counseling). But, if you do decide to rent or buy "Bad Education" make sure you get the NC-17 version and not the pointlessly edited R version.
(04/20/05 5:11am)
Pedro Almodóvar's (of "Talk to Her" fame) newest film, "Bad Education," is a campy noir thriller told through three interwoven stories. \nThe first is the story of Enrique (Fele Martinéz), a film director, who is paid a visit by Ignacio, his grade school friend and first love. Ignacio (Gael García Bernal), now an actor, has a script he wants Enrique to read partially based on their relationship in grade school. The second story takes place in the imagination of Enrique as he reads the script. In this story, a transvestite, Ignacio (operating under the stage name Zahara) picks up a man while performing. After intercourse, Ignacio discovers the man is his childhood friend Enrique, who has written a script about Ignacio's sexual abuse at the hands of Father Manolo (Daniel Gimenez Cacho), the principal at the Catholic boarding school the boys attended. Ignacio steals the script and takes it to Father Manolo in an attempt to blackmail him. The third story takes place in the mind of Father Manolo as he reads part of the script. This story recounts the actual experiences of the real-life (in terms of the story) Ignacio and Enrique at the school.\nAs complicated as all of that sounds, the movie is actually quite easy to follow. Actually, the hardest thing to figure out about this movie is how it got the kiss of death NC-17 rating. "Bad Education" has its share of risqué moments, like two children giving each other hand jobs or a transvestite resplendent in a dress made to look like the naked female body (complete with pubic hair made from yarn). However, apparently the only difference between the NC-17 and R versions of the movie is that the oral sex scene is blurred out in the R version. This is insane since there is absolutely no nudity in the scene; it is just a head bobbing up and down. I guarantee that if this same scene featured a heterosexual couple, the MPAA would have had no problem with it.\nThere are plenty of special features on the DVD, including a couple of featurettes and commentary by Almodóvar. Overall, it's a pretty run-of-the-mill DVD release. \nThis is a very good movie as long as you don't mind a few uncomfortable moments (after seeing Ignacio sporting some extreme cleavage with his breast implants, I may have to seek some counseling). But, if you do decide to rent or buy "Bad Education" make sure you get the NC-17 version and not the pointlessly edited R version.
(04/07/05 4:00am)
"Closer" is easily director Mike Nichols' best film since he won an Oscar for "The Graduate." And it is a surprisingly good first feature-length effort by writer Patrick Marber, who also wrote the play that this film is based on. All four of the main actors do a wonderful job. In fact, Natalie Portman and Clive Owen each nabbed a Golden Globe for their work on this film. It is an original love story with tons of lust, betrayal and sex to keep you interested, balanced out by touching dialogue that makes you actually care about the main characters. Overall, this is one of the best films that came out in 2004.\nThat being said, the makers of "Closer" really dropped the ball when they released this DVD. If you are looking for special features, look elsewhere. There is no director commentary, deleted scenes, making-of featurette or any of the other things that make us DVD fanatics squeal with delight. The only special feature on this DVD is a music video of Damien Rice's "The Blower's Daughter." Other than that, the best you can find is previews for "Guess Who" and Spanish subtitles in case you want to know how to say, "Feel free to call me the Sultan" in Spanish, and who doesn't? (Tu puede llamarme el Sultán!)\nDespite its special feature shortcomings, "Closer" is still worth renting or even buying because the film is so well done. Just don't expect to be impressed with the DVD extras or lack thereof.
(04/06/05 4:31am)
"Closer" is easily director Mike Nichols' best film since he won an Oscar for "The Graduate." And it is a surprisingly good first feature-length effort by writer Patrick Marber, who also wrote the play that this film is based on. All four of the main actors do a wonderful job. In fact, Natalie Portman and Clive Owen each nabbed a Golden Globe for their work on this film. It is an original love story with tons of lust, betrayal and sex to keep you interested, balanced out by touching dialogue that makes you actually care about the main characters. Overall, this is one of the best films that came out in 2004.\nThat being said, the makers of "Closer" really dropped the ball when they released this DVD. If you are looking for special features, look elsewhere. There is no director commentary, deleted scenes, making-of featurette or any of the other things that make us DVD fanatics squeal with delight. The only special feature on this DVD is a music video of Damien Rice's "The Blower's Daughter." Other than that, the best you can find is previews for "Guess Who" and Spanish subtitles in case you want to know how to say, "Feel free to call me the Sultan" in Spanish, and who doesn't? (Tu puede llamarme el Sultán!)\nDespite its special feature shortcomings, "Closer" is still worth renting or even buying because the film is so well done. Just don't expect to be impressed with the DVD extras or lack thereof.