Indiana Daily Student

Black Voices: Cuffing Szn 101: Bagging a Bae

As the weather gets colder, people come closer together. Whether it be for holiday dinner gatherings and gift exchanges or to meet up with your new love interest for a cute date to see Christmas lights. 

Starting in late fall months and ending shortly after Valentine’s Day, cuffing season is a brief period of time in which single people choose a bae to keep warm through the winter. The question that always arises is: Will the love last once the snow melts? Modern dating is a fierce, fast moving and competitive game, so here are some tips on how to attract your ideal bae for this year's season of cuffing: 

1) Don’t.

Forcing something never ends well. Let love come to you. What’s meant for you is already yours and when the timing is right, you and your perfect match will cross paths. Just be patient, all great things take time. 

2) Stop letting social media make you feel like you want a relationshi

Sometimes you’re just bored and seeking a quick thrill. As humans, it’s totally normal for us to have urges, but what defines us is how we choose to handle those feelings. Scrolling through social media and seeing the latest pics of internet couples like De'arra and Ken can lead us to unconsciously make unhealthy presumptions on what love is supposed to look like.

“The thing that makes it harder for a relationship to last in 2020 with our generation would be social media.” IU junior Kelly Howard said. “It gives a false expectation of the perfectness of what every relationship is supposed to be.” 

Not basing your relationship goals off of someone else’s relationship is critical. No matter how cute online couples may seem, you never know what’s going on behind the scenes. 

3) Do some soul searching

Before you can properly love someone else, you have to love yourself. 

“Being single, you get to find yourself.” single IU senior Tahji Irving said. “You get that time to reflect and see where you went wrong in your last relationship and where you can do better in the next.” 

Loving yourself is the greatest revolution. Once you are able to connect with yourself and have a good understanding of who you are, your ability to communicate effectively will improve as a consequence. Senior Tyrarose Nibbs, who has been with her boyfriend D’Mauré for two years, reported that communication was “the biggest step” in their journey together so far.

“Him being open and honest has allowed me to see so much about myself that I didn’t really look at before.” Nibbs said. “That allowed me to see an internal perspective of myself and come to realities about myself and accept those and say this who I am and he still loves me for it.”

Nibbs’ testimony is a real example of how when used effectively, communication can be extremely fruitful and ultimately promote growth in both partners.

4) Know exactly what you want and what you don’t

The quickest way to avoid a situationship or another failed “talking stage” is to know exactly what you are seeking in a companion. Are you looking to start a long-term relationship or are you just wanting an intimate friend for those lonely nights? 

“I want a woman who can hold herself accountable without someone forcing her and is goal driven,” Irving said. “I like people who are willing to learn new things regardless of what they believe and have mutual respect for people.” 

Being able to verbalize our wants and needs upfront can save us from a world of hurt. Being able to identify deal breakers for relationships can help you foresee your fate with your significant other much quicker. 

For Howard, inconsistency, disrespect and unwarranted lies are huge red flags.

“I hate for people to waste my time. You can be honest with me now so I can drop you.” Howard said. 

Another important question we often forget to ask ourselves is if we are able to provide everything we require. The ability to reciprocate energy plays a large role when testing compatibility. 

Most likely, these particular steps aren’t what you expected to see. While there are many benefits of being in a relationship, finding the value and beauty in solitude first is pivotal. Make time for yourself, grow, explore and experience life and the person meant for you will cross your path with no effort. There is nothing wrong with enjoying your own company. It’s OK to stand alone. 

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