Although I consider myself more fashionable than I used to be, which isn’t saying much since no one under the age of 20 can really be considered fashionable, except maybe Millie Bobby Brown, I don't consider myself a fashion expert.
However, around the holidays, I find myself taking note of current trends thanks to Black Friday, which is also known as the holiday where people wake up ridiculously early to fight to the death in the name of consumerism and retail deals.
If you’re as clueless as me when it comes to fashion and you reasonably opted for shopping online, never fear. I am here to tell you what winter trends I observed during my Black Friday shopping ventures.
Sorry, men: I didn’t include any trends for you because all of your clothes look the same to me.
Jackets: I’m happy to announce faux fur coats are back. Honestly, I’m not sure if they ever left, but all I know is that I saw tons of them this year.
If you’re like me, you love a good jacket. This year, I set out to find the most fabulous, most ridiculous faux fur coat possible.
I’ve secretly wanted a faux fur coat for years, but I didn’t feel like I really deserved one until now, you know? Anyway, I was blessed with the answer to my prayers at The Gap, where I found an amazingly soft pink faux fur coat.
My mom told me I looked like Carrie Bradshaw in it, and if you don’t know who that is then you’re too young to be reading this column. ASOS has some even crazier faux fur coats that you can check out if you're brave enough to wear one.
Tops: This trend throws it all the way back to the 16th century. Ruffles and frills are everywhere, and you cannot escape them. Believe me, I’ve tried.
If you wanted to honor your ancestors and dress like a pilgrim for Thanksgiving this year, you missed your chance. That Mayflower has sailed.
Also, in line with the theme of Thanksgiving, white people ruin everything, which is another reason why this trend is back.
Pants: I’m very anti-pants because they are usually extremely uncomfortable, and I regularly wear leggings as a substitute. I didn’t try on a single pair during my shopping trip, so I guess try Google for this one.
Shoes: Heeled booties haven’t really ever gone out of style as far as I know, but this year the trend includes some added some flair: embroidery.
Now booties don’t have to be just boring shades of black, brown or gray. They can be all that, but with embroidered patterns on them, usually floral.
I’m a fan of this trend, but I’m also slightly bitter I didn’t discover it sooner because at that point in the day, my mom informed me I had hit my Christmas present limit and refused to buy me anything else.
Jewelry: Hooped earrings are in again, and I am here for it. There’s something powerful about wearing the biggest pair you can find. I suggest buying a pair so large that you can fit your entire fist through them as a warning to men that you will not tolerate their bullshit.
Miscellaneous: I found so many amazing home accessories this year from faux fur wine bags to faux fur blankets to faux fur mug holders. Wait…these all have something in common.
Basically, if you want to be fashionable this year, completely deck yourself out in faux fur. You can even decorate your tree with this trend.
While I generally enjoyed my Black Friday shopping, I hope everyone else was sane enough to stay home. There are still Cyber Monday sales after all.