The guy I’ve been seeing for 18 months has always been very quiet in bed. We began as friends with benefits, and I’m aware he occasionally sleeps with others.
We were friends for over ten years before initiating a FWB. We both have always brought each other our troubles, joys and issues and have shared some serious life happenings.
Recently, he began gasping, moaning, even articulating, “Oh god,” as though at a higher pitch of arousal. I’m not doing anything differently. So is there a meaning to this? It’s so unusual I can’t help but notice.
What an interesting question. The answer lies with the guy you’re seeing, though – not with me. I recommend talking with your guy if you’d like to know more.
It’ll also help you get to know one another a bit better, which can deepen your friendship and maybe increase sexual and romantic intimacy too, if you two are interested in that. Here are some possibilities you two might consider.
Perhaps your partner has grown more comfortable with you over time. Maybe he’s always had the urge to moan or talk, but only recently felt comfortable enough with his sexuality or with you to express that.
Since he’s typically been quiet in bed, another possibility is that one of his other sex partners has encouraged him to be more vocal in bed. Maybe he tried it out and it felt good to him — freeing or arousing even, and so he wanted to explore with you too.
It may also be that something you two are doing simply feels more intense or exciting to him, resulting in his moans, gasps and utterances. Or maybe he saw people moaning or gasping in porn and wondered if he should try that too.
Some research suggests that moaning may enhance people’s own arousal and others do it in order to try and arouse their partner. And of course there are other possible reasons too, but you won’t know unless you bring it up.
How to do that? You two are friends, right?
So why not say something in your own words like, “You know, we’ve been seeing each other for a while now and it seems like you’ve become more vocal recently, moaning and such. I’m not complaining — I like it — I’m just wondering what you make of it.”
Conversations like these are an invitation to learn more about each other and grow closer. Happy exploring!
Kinsey Confidential is a collaboration of the IU School of Public Health and The Kinsey Institute. Dr. Debby Herbenick is an associate professor at IU and author of six books about sex including “The Coregasm Workout” and “Sex Made Easy.” Visit us at kinseyconfidential.org and follow us on Twitter at @DebbyHerbenick and @KinseyCon.
What an interesting question. The answer lies with the guy you’re seeing, though – not with me. I recommend talking with your guy if you’d like to know more.
It’ll also help you get to know one another a bit better, which can deepen your friendship and maybe increase sexual and romantic intimacy too, if you two are interested in that. Here are some possibilities you two might consider.
Perhaps your partner has grown more comfortable with you over time. Maybe he’s always had the urge to moan or talk, but only recently felt comfortable enough with his sexuality or with you to express that.
Since he’s typically been quiet in bed, another possibility is that one of his other sex partners has encouraged him to be more vocal in bed. Maybe he tried it out and it felt good to him — freeing or arousing even, and so he wanted to explore with you too.
It may also be that something you two are doing simply feels more intense or exciting to him, resulting in his moans, gasps and utterances. Or maybe he saw people moaning or gasping in porn and wondered if he should try that too.
Some research suggests that moaning may enhance people’s own arousal and others do it in order to try and arouse their partner. And of course there are other possible reasons too, but you won’t know unless you bring it up.
How to do that? You two are friends, right?
So why not say something in your own words like, “You know, we’ve been seeing each other for a while now and it seems like you’ve become more vocal recently, moaning and such. I’m not complaining — I like it — I’m just wondering what you make of it.”
Conversations like these are an invitation to learn more about each other and grow closer. Happy exploring!
Kinsey Confidential is a collaboration of the IU School of Public Health and The Kinsey Institute. Dr. Debby Herbenick is an associate professor at IU and author of six books about sex including “The Coregasm Workout” and “Sex Made Easy.” Visit us at kinseyconfidential.org and follow us on Twitter at @DebbyHerbenick and @KinseyCon.
