In order to mitigate the impending obesity of our country, “Pokemon Go” developer Niantic, Inc. created a one-of-a-kind virtual reality gaming app.
Upon its release, “Pokemon Go” has spread like wildfire — it has become a fad as mainstream as avocado toast and hoverboards.
The app forces users to get up off of their couches and walk around in order to successfully catch ‘em all. This creates a culture of exploration — encouraging trainers to find new areas in their neighborhoods like national parks or cool street art.
The app quickly gained a steady following bigger than Tinder, perhaps showing that people are looking to find Pokemon instead of love.
This new twist on the classic game is smart. It manages to bring back memories of your 7-year-old self playing Game Boy, sitting on top of a pile of Beanie Babies, all while drinking an ice-cold SunnyD.
The good old days are back, but with a huge upgrade.
“Pokemon Go” has swept the nation with what our parents would like to believe is a cure to childhood obesity disguised as an app. But like the Wii, Xbox Kinect, Dance Dance Revolution and other movement-necessary video gaming systems before it, “Pokemon Go” has proven easily playable for users of all fitness lifestyles.
Let’s face it — everyone plays from the comfort and safety of their cars. It’s the strategy most people employ — driving around slowly looking for Pokemon and pulling over to catch them.
In order to be a competitive player, it’s almost impossible to participate in the game exclusively as a pedestrian. With Pokestops and gyms so far apart, the design all but encourages a play-from-car strategy.
Despite the amount of traffic the app has been getting, it will not be the miraculous cure for obesity.
With Welcome Week in full swing, one might think the game could have a colossal effect on our back-to-school scene.
People will voluntarily go to Kilroy’s Sports Bar and dance in the jungle in order to hatch an egg.
On the way to class, there will be countless collisions due to our hyper-aware Pokemon scenes, eyes constantly glued to our phone screens.
During lecture, a Charmander will be seamlessly nestled on your professor’s shoulder, practically begging you to throw your best curveball. You topple over the rows of seats in front of you in order to capture your prize. It’s madness. One classmate faints from the sight of the fiery lizard.
But alas, these situations are purely hypothetical.
Pokemon Go will not be the handheld distraction that finally plunges our world into the depths of post-apocalyptic technological dependency.
Sure, we’ll see the usual small groups of nervous freshmen wandering around campus together. They’ll travel in packs, desperately attempting to find things in common with one another so they won’t have to eat alone, and if this year they find that what they have in common is Pokemon Go, the fabric of the universe and of IU will remain the same.