Grade: D
When it comes to rock 'n' roll, there are three things you should remember.
Bob Dylan is the best songwriter ever, the Beatles are the best album-makers ever and Led Zeppelin is the greatest band ever.
With that in mind, what gave Train the audacity to try to cover "Led Zeppelin II," one of the greatest albums in history?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m fully aware of Train lead singer Pat Monahan’s ability to mimic Robert Plant’s mystic vocal style. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t impressed when I first heard Train’s live cover of “Ramble On.”
It’s not the only Zeppelin cover in Train’s live repertoire either. “What Is and What Should Never Be” and “Going to California” also frequently show up and are generally done decently well.
Train not only failed at covering a Zeppelin album with its ninth studio release “Train Does Led Zeppelin II,” but also managed to create the single worst record in the band’s history.
“Whole Lotta Love,” which along with “Stairway to Heaven” is arguably Zeppelin’s most recognized song, suffered from truly terrible production. I couldn’t find who produced this record, which probably means the band tried to do so themselves.
The guitar, one of the driving forces of the original song, was toned down, a direct insult to Jimmy Page. Only Monahan, who only captures a fraction of the sexiness and swagger of Plant’s vocals, seems to really be heard.
“What Is and What Should Never Be” was a decent cover. The fact that Train already knows the song pretty well probably helps.
“The Lemon Song” suffered in the same way as the debut track. It’s simply not sexy enough to pass off as one of Zeppelin’s dirtiest songs. The whole band seemed to be trying to hard to keep up with the tempo of the song and forgot all about it’s flair.
While not a terrible cover, “Thank You” still doesn’t hit you quite as hard emotionally as the original. However, the use of the acoustic guitar and Hammond organ helps fuel the Middle-earth-y vibe of the song.
Now here is where the album becomes one of the worst things I have heard in a long time.
“Heartbreaker,” a favorite on this record for many Zeppelin zealots, was unapologetically butchered by Train.
The only thing Train guitarist Jimmy Stafford shares with Jimmy Page is a first name. Otherwise, they couldn’t be any different. Stafford is a truly horrendous guitar player in every sense of the word.
Not only did he screw up the opening riff to the track, but he turned one of Zeppelin’s most revered guitar solos ever into some garage band reject’s improv stunt. I was almost in tears.
In the following track, “Living Loving Maid (She’s Just a Woman),” Monahan didn’t come even close to hitting the opening lyrics hard enough to really deliver a punch. His whole vocal performance on this bit feels weakened and half-baked.
Even “Ramble On,” which is usually excellently done live by Train, was not up-to-par on this LP. Monahan seemed to be making an attempt to sound too much like himself, which didn’t work for the cover.
“Moby Dick” had me like J.K. Simmons in “Whiplash,” wanting to throw chairs at Train drummer Drew Shoals, who would make a high school band drummer look like Keith Moon.
The last track, “Bring It On Home,” is actually a pleasant surprise. It could very well be the best track on the whole record. Everyone, including whoever the producer is, nailed every bit of this cover.
It leads one to question where all this energy was for the rest of the record was. Why did Train waste so much time making such a pointless record instead of writing and recording original good material and just sticking “Bring It On Home” as a bonus track? Did the world really need a Led Zeppelin cover album?
If you want my advice, forget this LP even exists. If you want to live in style, take the zeppelin. This is not the train to your destination.
afaulds@indiana.edu | @a_faulds9615
