When people talk about their experiences abroad, they tell you how amazing living in a different country is, and how fun it is to taste the life of a jet setter traveling all the time, but they never tell you how hard it can really be living so far away from your loved ones.
This past weekend, my grandfather was admitted to the hospital with some sort of painful internal infection. Unfortunately, he has been sick for several years, so I didn’t think much of it when my mom told me the news.
Then things were different.
I received a phone call early Friday morning with both of my parents on the line. When I heard their voices, I immediately panicked.
There is only one other time I can recall when my parents were talking to me on the same line. It was when they called me Saturday, January 14, 2014, to tell me my uncle had killed himself.
I couldn’t have these voices tell me something of that level of devastation when I wasn’t even remotely close to them to swallow the news.
My grandfather’s condition had worsened very fast overnight and my parents were on the phone to say my mom was about to get on a plane because the worst was a possibility. I was asked the impossible question of whether I wanted to fly home to be with my family.
I was speechless. I have made such a family of my own here in Spain, made of my friends and the family of my host mother. Additionally, would my grandfather want me to be there if it meant losing part of this once-in-a-lifetime experience?
I couldn’t make a decision in the moment, and my parents understood completely.
I have been extremely fortunate to have had all of my grandparents alive for the entirety of my life so far. Although it was inevitable they would eventually die, I never thought the odds would increase when I was more than 4,000 miles away.
Another thing people fail to mention about studying abroad is the friends you make here have the potential to be some of the most genuine people you will have the pleasure of encountering in your lifetime.
Once I found out the news, I informed my host mother and she immediately put me in her arms. She brought me to one of her daughter’s houses close by and I met all five of her grandchildren.
I was immediately initiated as part of the family, no questions asked. She kept telling me, “There is nothing you can do here but live your life,” and tried to provide as many distractions as possible to help me do just that.
After telling my host mother, I wrote a message in a group chat with some of my friends here and immediately received many messages of compassion and love. They made sure I had the perfect balance of alone time and distractions in making plans to fill up the empty weekend.
One of the hardest parts of this experience was the day my parents were supposed to get on a plane, first to visit my aunt in Berlin and then to visit me here in Spain. They were forced to cancel their trip.
My mom is looking into other times she can visit before my semester is over, but my dad most likely won’t have the chance anymore due to the constraints of his job.
This column was originally going to be about their visit here, but, unfortunately, life gets in the way of plans sometimes.
Right now my grandfather is still in critical condition, but somehow, due to a power I usually don’t believe in, he is still alive and making progress. If anything was stopping me from feeling right at home here until now, those worries are erased.
If I didn’t feel comfortable during this semester, I wouldn’t be able to function. I would be on the first plane back to the U.S.
My piece of advice for anyone interested in studying abroad is to search for a family in your new home. They will be your much needed support system for some of the best months of your life.
Enjoy every second and don’t forget to live. I said when I got here I wouldn’t say no to any adventure, and I will continue fulfill this goal with the time I have remaining.
afmaling@indiana.edu
