There’s a phrase I absolutely can’t stand. “You can’t have your cake and eat it too.”
The logic behind the saying is ridiculous. What’s the point in having cake if you can’t eat it? Then it just becomes something pretty to look at instead of what it is, food.
My problem with the phrase is how people use it to talk to women and girls.
The rationale behind it is you can’t have everything.
And, in reality, you can’t.
There is never going to be a perfect job, living situation or relationship. No one will ever have everything perfectly work out, and a dose of reality is healthy for us all.
Yet, why do we echo this sentiment more with girls than with boys?
The majority of my friends are overachievers. They are highly motivated and plan to do amazing things after college, whether it’s investment management, teaching, nursing or medical school.
None of these careers are easy, and all of them require putting in sufficient time and sacrifice. However, my female friends receive such different reactions than their male counterparts.
“How are you going to balance that with a family?”
“Oh, so I guess you’re going to be the breadwinner in the house, huh?”
“I don’t think I could ever be away from my kids for that long.”
The idea that a woman has to have a family in order to be happy is ridiculous.
More and more couples, and women, are choosing not to have children or putting off starting a family.
Some might say these actions are selfish, but they show that some people decide children are not part of the equation for them.
And that’s okay. Some other women may decide a family is for them, or want pets or a partner who is supporting of career ambitions.
Even more so, why are these questions never asked to men? Men are rarely asked about family life, nor are they asked about missing their children.
Society expects girls, not men to sacrifice their work for their family.
Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with someone putting family before career.
Many people do it, and it works well for them. Additionally, there’s nothing wrong with prioritizing a career or education.
Women’s lives are not measured solely on their ability to have a family.
It’s more than that, and I believe women are capable of making choices benefiting them, their partners and their families.
I think they can find a career fulfilling at work and at home. I believe they can have it all. I’m going to enjoy my accomplishments and lifestyle I built for myself; from now on, I’m going to have my cake and eat it too.
npatwari@indiana.edu
