“A douche is a dick,” Feinstein said. “A tool is just a kindly moron.”
A nearly full audience helped kick off comedian Feinstein’s first show at 8 p.m. Friday in Bloomington.
Feinstein is currently touring, but past credentials include appearances on television show “Inside Amy Schumer” and summer movie “Trainwreck.” She also competed on NBC’s “Last Comic Standing.”
Her monologue blasted past boyfriends and brought to life some of the more vibrant characters she’s experienced.
One such character was her childhood nanny, who had many specific rules about whores. Only whores wore purple, Feinstein said in her nasally imitation of the woman. And only whores carried suitcases, which the nanny deemed “slut satchels.”
Feinstein also imitated her mother, but only after commenting on the nature of visiting one’s parents’ house as an adult.
“I’m OK for like six minutes, and then I’m, like, weirdly furious,” Feinstein said.
Feinstein said her mother likes to sound culturally savvy, as exemplified by an exchange between her and a waiter at a Mexican restaurant.
She said her mother thinks it’s respectable to order her meal in a Latin accent, and then speak extensively about what it’s like to travel to Nicaragua.
Kelsie Holt and Jacob Chaney, both 26 and from Bloomington, were members of Friday’s audience.
They said Feinstein’s character imitations were the highlight of her show — “I loved the voices,” Holt said — along with a particular anecdote about one of Feinstein’s past relationships.
This anecdote described a trick used by a guy she once went out with. The man had told Feinstein he couldn’t stay with her long that night because he had to catch a red-eye flight to California.
As the night went on, the guy — described by Feinstein as a guttural alcoholic who is overly skeptical of vehicles — became more intoxicated.
Finally, Feinstein asked why he was still with her if he had to go catch a red-eye, and he responded the red-eye story was something he made up to make women think he’s important.
One guy had Playboy bed sheets. One had a belly button ring — Feinstein said she would have rather seen a limb in a jar at his apartment.
And as for men who send pictures of their penises, Feinstein said the gesture is completely unnecessary. While receiving images of private body parts is a treat for men who may or may not find a woman to have sex with on any given night, Feinstein said “dick pics” do nothing for women.
“We know the dick is there if we choose to call upon it,” she said.
Facebook was another topic that had the audience cackling at its relatability. Feinstein said she thinks some people see Facebook as some kind of god who they can tell everything to.
She went on to describe how easy it is to get deep into people’s lives after browsing the site for a few hours.
All of a sudden, she said, you’re invested in a stranger’s’ great aunt’s surgery outcome.
“‘Pam is great, she’s stabilized,’ I’m like, are there any pictures?” Feinstein said.
One of Feinstein’s final characters was an Uber driver with a foreign accent who she said was most definitely drunk as he drove her and a few friends.
He repeatedly shouted how wonderful everybody and every race is and declared his approval of gay marriage, while Feinstein and her two gay friends cheered as though he had given them permission.
“A pair of pants and another pair of pants get married, I don’t care,” Feinstein said in her Uber driver voice.
Chaney said he mostly laughed at her range of colorful characters, but the show as a whole didn’t disappoint.
“I thought it was fantastic,” he said.
