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I’m a gay man, and I love being the receptive partner in anal intercourse. However, the amount of preparation to make sure everything is spic and span makes me wonder if I’ll ever be able to have spontaneous sex with a long-term partner. Would a high-fiber diet do the trick? Or is the possibility of a mess with spontaneous sex just something I’ll have to get used to?
Chances are good that, yes, you will be able to have and enjoy spontaneous sex with a partner. Here are a couple of things to consider.
First, everyone has different dietary needs. People who are intolerant to things such as lactose, gluten, wheat or fructose will have different bodily reactions to certain foods than others. Allergies and medical conditions can also affect how people process foods. If you’d like to get a better handle on how your own body processes food and how it affects your bowel movements, you might start by meeting with a registered dietitian. You can find a registered dietitian in your area through the website of the American Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics — which is eatright.org — or by asking your healthcare provider for a referral.
As for sex, not everyone uses anal douches or enemas prior to sex. Some people simply do the best they can with their diet and then go with it. They may avoid anal penetration on certain days if they are experiencing loose stools or gas.
Many people of all genders and sexual orientations avoid or change the way they have sex, for example perhaps avoiding oral sex, on days that they are experiencing gas or loose stools. Those are common enough changes to make.
You may find it helpful to be a little more open and vulnerable about sex, too. You are a human being in a human body that can be attractive but also smelly and gassy and unpredictable like every other human body out there. And bodies only get more unpredictable, strange and wondrous with age.
Since it sounds like you’re interested in having a long-term relationship, becoming comfortable with your human body and your hypothetical partner’s human body will make sex and day-to-day living more comfortable and pleasurable with time. It can be tough to share yourself so openly with another person but also rewarding.
The next time you find yourself growing close to someone romantically or sexually, why not say to them what you said to me, which is that you enjoy being a bottom but sometimes feel a little shy or worried about the need for prep work?
This gives your partner a chance to reassure you it’s just fine with him and he desires and likes you as you are, or that you’re up for certain kinds of sex on some days and not on others, but that whatever happens, you’ll work it out.
Debby Herbenick, Ph.D. MPH is an associate professor at IU and a research fellow and sexual health educator at The Kinsey Institute. She’s the author of six books about sex. Her newest is “The Coregasm Workout.” Follow Kinsey Confidential on Twitter @KinseyCon and visit us online at www.KinseyConfidential.org
