Disclaimer: This is satire.
Whites are finally taking back the Oscar nomination control we deserve.
As many of the cultural elite of IU are aware, the nominations for the 87th Academy Awards have been ?announced.
Some are not very pleased with the selection of the academy this year. Not a single actor or director of color received an Oscar nomination, despite having an available selection.
We must all recognize the great progress that white people, especially white men, have made this Oscars ?season.
This set of nominations is a marker of the great strides white men have made to reclaim total domination over the Oscars.
Year after year we have found ourselves disappointed by how close we were to getting back to the good old days when the Academy Awards were a white man’s thing and a white man’s thing only.
Can you imagine that it has been since 1998 that white men had total control of the nominations? Boy, we’re finally back on track.
Motion pictures, simply put, are a tradition of the white people. The Lumiere brothers, who introduced the world to film, were a pair of white men.
It only makes sense for film to be as dominated by white men as possible, especially considering they have been the ones leading the innovation and envelope-pushing within the industry.
White filmmakers work hard year-round. It is insulting to their efforts to imply that the work of non-white members of the industry is equal to the work of those who have been perfecting the craft since its genesis.
It is hard to fathom why people are complaining in the first place. African Americans received nominations and won awards last year. Plenty, in fact. This is one of those classic “give an inch” situations. And after nearly two decades, this trend has gone on long enough.
If we give awards or even nominations to black films and filmmakers, they’re going to start thinking they are entitled to the same consideration in an industry that simply isn’t theirs. The message has come across loud and clear this year. The Academy normally loves historical stuff like “Selma.”
Snubbing that puppy is the best way to say that, even when it’s something the Academy normally eats up, the commitment to purging the Oscars of the unwanted is far more important than stories beautifully told through superb acting.
Eyes on the prize, gents. Eyes on ?the prize.
So raise your glass, or really any nearby object of the approximately right size and weight — it’ll feel more or less the same. This has been a landmark year for the white race, and please, don’t worry about next year.
We are confident that once all African Americans are properly shut out from Hollywood’s super special club, the academy will turn its focus to removing the best actress and best supporting actress categories so that the white men can be front and center like they’re supposed to be.
