Sometimes after sex I feel very sore and I feel pain. During intercourse I did not feel pain. It was only after I noticed the soreness. Sometimes I also have cramps the next day. Why is this and can I do something to avoid this? Is it possible his penis is too big for me?
When women become very sexually excited and when they orgasm, the pain threshold can change.
What that means is that some things may not feel painful during sex until a woman’s arousal decreases, and then the pain may be noticeable.
Because of this, it’s not uncommon to hear from women who hurt themselves in some way during sex — even sometimes tearing their genitals to the point of bleeding considerably — but not noticing until sex is over.
Because this happens to you from time to time, it’s wise to think about how you might prevent it in the future.
Even if your partner has a larger-than-average penis, you should still be able to have comfortable sex.
You may want to use a lubricant during sex to help reduce the friction and reduce the risk of vaginal soreness or tearing.
If sex lasts for quite some time, a silicone-based lubricant may be a better choice for you as silicone-based lubricants last longer than water-based lubricants.
You might also try sex positions that give you more control, such as woman on top, or you might have more gentle sex if sex sometimes gets particularly rough or vigorous. Any of these can be helpful, and with practice you should find the right combination that works for you and your partner.
You can learn more about lubricant, vaginal pain and how to protect your vulva and vagina during sex in my book “Sex Made Easy: Your Awkward Question Answered for Better, Smarter, Amazing Sex.”
I masturbate and I come fast in like 15 seconds. Does it work the same in sex?
Masturbation and intercourse aren’t always the same.
Some men come very quickly or easily during masturbation but find that it takes much longer to experience orgasm during intercourse.
Other men come quickly during both kinds or have a different response.
If you would like to learn to last longer or to better control the timing of your ejaculation, you can use the start-stop technique to practice during masturbation.
This will help you learn to identify feelings in your penis or other parts of your body that tell you orgasm is close, just in case you want to back off, decrease sensation and take a little longer before you ejaculate.
You can learn the details of the stop-start technique on our Kinsey Confidential website, in the book “Great in Bed” or in the book “The New Male Sexuality.”
Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., is a research fellow and sexual health educator at IU’s Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction. She is the author of five books about sex, including “Sex Made Easy: Your Awkward Questions Answered for Better, Smarter, Amazing Sex.” Check us out online at ? kinseyconfidential.org.
