Orange is the new zodiac

You may have already seen what befalls the women of Litchfield Federal Prison in Netflix’s second season of “Orange is the New Black.” But you might not know what is in the stars for this show’s batch of gleaming characters.
As you do your time watching this series, we’ve served some sentences that map out which characters best exemplify which star signs.*

*No foreheads were licked in the making of this chart.**
**Okay, maybe one or two.

Aries
Natasha “Taystee” Jefferson
They perhaps have the most fire in their bellies.
Aries are aglow with energy and burn with ambition.
They have a fun personality and a great sense of humor.
This comes in handy when keeping motivated and rushing to the aid of loved ones, to whom they are fiercely loyal.

Taurus
Larry Bloom
Stubborn and full of stamina, they aren’t always the fastest to act.
Taurus are practical and efficient but also generous and sentimental.
Breaking bonds with others is especially hard on them because it causes them to rely on self-serving behaviors.

Gemini
Piper Chapman
You can always predict that Geminis will work to adapt to their environments, even if it means becoming a seemingly different person altogether.
What you cannot always predict are their emotions, which are usually subdued and come with flare ups that take everyone by surprise — even the Gemini.
As negotiators and communicators, they know how to work with a myriad of people. Trusting them is an entirely different game.

Cancer
Lorna Murillo
One might think them fickle, but they’ll deny it every time.
Cancers dwell on the domestic, favor tradition and make dutiful and sympathetic companions.
They will hide their emotions from outsiders, and if they need their alone time, give it to them.

Leo
Tiffany “Pennsatucky” Doggett
Leos are vocal and confident with their opinions.
They make impressive — and sometimes bossy — leaders, but their flair isn’t just for show.
They are so quick to act that you might not realize what they are up to until their razor-bladed toothbrush is at your throat.

Virgo
Vee Parker
They possess an endless supply of intoxicating charisma, and they know how to work a room and coax information out of those they charm.
Virgos analytically lay out long-term plans, sometimes with the group dynamic in mind and sometimes with selfish reasons at heart.

Libra
Poussey Washington
Their symbol is scales, and, appropriately, they don’t react well when things are thrown off balance.
It causes them to sometimes go to extremes to restore what they see as the higher order.
Libras might hold back, especially when letting their keen intuition take in their surroundings.
Affectionate and supportive, they are the underdog’s best friend.

Scorpio
“Red” Reznikov
Misunderstood by many, this sometimes secretive type will orchestrate grand schemes without breaking a sweat.
Lovers of competition, they almost never lose their cool.
When bested, Scorpios will briefly lie low before making a renewed and bold strike.

Sagittarius
Sophia Burset
Sagittariuses are always thinking and always in pursuit.
They often want many different things — sometimes things that conflict with each other.
Therefore, they prefer to focus on a single goal and do whatever they can to accomplish it.
They aren’t always patient and don’t like to feel tied down, but they make a wise friend if their space is respected.

Capricorn
Suzanne “Crazy Eyes” Warren
Considered outsiders for their creativity and philosophical inclinations, they don’t always take well to criticism.
They find solace in systematic, orderly habits and helping others.
If not effectively distracted, Capricorns become self-defeating.

Aquarius
Nicky Nichols
They are the easygoing, frank and sarcastic members of the zodiac.
When on a mission, Aquariuses will find an unorthodox and crafty route to meet their goals.
Without projects, however, they easily fall victim to lethargy.

Pisces
Norma Romano
Perpetually unassuming, this silent set of watchful eyes and attentive ears will amass more nuggets of knowledge than Litchfield has inmates.
Sometimes door mats, they will nonetheless apply incredible determination and dedication when push comes to shove, especially when supporting family and dear friends.