The Little 500 Spectacle

MTV’s “Festivals, Sex and Suspicious Parents” recently brought millennial debauchery to attention. On the show, parents spy on their kids via live camera while their beloved offspring takes part in non-surprisingly idiotic behavior. Winter is thawing, and Little 500 is on the horizon. In the spirit of both the show and our communal anticipation, here’s what your parents would be likely to see during IU’s Little 500 week.

Stupid Little 500 T-shirts

If you’re 21 and a student living in Bloomington, there’s no better way to tell the world you went to the bars during the Greatest College Weekend than with a corny T-shirt immortalizing the occasion. Sure, you may have had to wait in line upwards of 40 minutes for that hideous neon orange tank you should only really wear to the gym, but it’s Little Five. Obviously worth it. Mom and Dad might want to pick up an extra for Nana back home, too.

Cheap alcohol galore

It’s no secret IU has an infamous drinking culture. A visit to tailgate fields in the fall — or you know, during Little 500 — will remind you of it. But if there’s one thing fueling the rage machine that’s our party culture, it’s that cheap alcohol flow. Whether it’s grape Karkov, Kamchatka or the ultra-vile Everclear, you’re probably going to see it around.

Dartying

Day partying isn’t new. But if you’re day drinking at IU during Little 500, chances are mimosas would not be what your parents would find you drinking on a sunny April afternoon. The empty handles on the ground might give them a better idea.

The morning after

At this point your parents might question what exactly it is you do at college given your performance during the week. But after all the craziness of Little 500 week is over, they’ll realize the real reason you love IU isn’t because of the drinking — it’s because you actually go to the greatest school on Earth.