Raising the bar in the IMU

Independent of the mutual admiration between IU Student Association and the Editorial Board, we’re proud to announce we believe IUSA has finally done something historic for the student body.
The proposed lounge in the IMU is a daring and innovative idea that clearly won’t have any negative consequences in the future and totally tackles the most pressing issues for IU students. In the spirit of innovation, the Editorial Board would like to suggest several other proposals we believe will help just as much as IUSA’s proposed lounge.

1. Since IUSA would like more access to alcohol for students – because obviously there aren’t enough places to drink in Bloomington – the Editorial Board would like to suggest IUSA also install a Big Red Liquors. Many students move off-campus in order to have easier access to booze. The clear solution would be to have a Big Red Liquors in the heart of campus so you can pound a Natty Ice here and there between classes.

2. IUSA’s proposed lounge should offer several beer pong tables, kegs, pledge rides and strategically-placed, IUSA-branded buckets for those who become a little too enthusiastic with IUSA’s revolutionary idea. Other favors might even include the boxed water the administration purchased last semester that is currently festering in their offices.

3. Since many people move off-campus in order to escape the pressures of school, why not also bring some entertainment to the IMU? The Editorial Board proposes IUSA bring Bloomington staple Night Moves to the Union. Sure, some may say we don’t need a trashy strip club on campus. But this way, students can connect with professors while also listening to “Gas Pedal” and making it rain. Our campus is desperately in need of such a facility. And IUSA should take decisive action on this issue as well.

4. One of IUSA’s main complaints against the current social areas in the IMU is that “Starbucks is nice, but a lot of people just study there, and you can’t really have a drink with your friends.” The Editorial Board proposes IUSA also add a spacious area filled with tables for an atmosphere conducive to conversation. Soft jazz music should play over an intercom system. For convenience, there should be a certain well-known coffee business serving caffeinated beverages. These factors have been proven to stimulate warm, friendly conversation. However, studying will not be allowed in this conversation-and-drinking-only space. Because that would be completely ridiculous on a college campus.

5. Last, but definitely not least, the Editorial Board proposes that the Union leave its holiday decorations up all year — because the Editorial Board just really likes the lights.