Livin’ in a bougie paradise

Bloomington wants some inspiration for new shops downtown. Here’s what would make B-Town shopping heavenly.

Trader Joe’s
Let’s be real, Trade Joe’s is a necessity. Sure, we’ve got our organic, tofu, flaxseed and soy protein fixes covered with Bloomingfoods, but it’s just not the same. Trader Joe’s is a friendly, coy, nautically-themed grocery store that’s too good to pass up. It’s subtle about being organic — their food doesn’t try to taste like twigs. We’re caught between Indianapolis and Louisville for the closest TJ’s. Come on, B-Town, we’ve got to get in on this.

Costco
You think you don’t need a 10-gallon jar of pickles in your life, but you do. True, Bloomington already has a Sam’s Club. But imagine a big, picturesque Costco right on Kirkwood — it would be a thing of beauty. Costco is convenient, but most of all, it embodies the United States. You can enter a Costco with a handful of money and come out with Jay Gatsby’s life. The store sells bulk food, furniture, jewelry, electronics and more all for prices that will have you filling up their giant shopping carts in a heartbeat. Don’t tell us you’re not sold.

Williams-Sonoma
Now most of these have been pretty damn bougie, but Williams-Sonoma is straight up bourgeoisie. It’s classy, beautiful, exhilarating and all about cooking good food. You can get pans that make bundts from castles  to Stars of David, and they have Star Wars cookie cutters. We need this in our lives. Bloomington is foodie-central and a GLBTQ haven, so we know a Williams Sonoma would do well right on the square.

J. Crew
It just isn’t fair that Bloomington residents have to drive all the way to Edinburgh to shop at the nearest J. Crew store, and that’s only a factory outlet. How else are we supposed to buy our high-priced plaid button ups and colored chinos? There isn’t another place in Hoosier Nation to purchase vaguely nautical-inspired sweater cardigans or pastel country party dresses. So we implore you, Bloomington. Grant us a wood-paneled, overpriced J. Crew. We’re aching to explore the children’s section, imagining how we’re going to dress our future, upper-middle-class offspring.

Whole Foods Market
Is anyone else just sick of shopping at Kroger? I mean, sure we have Bloomingfoods. But their stores tend to be cramped, and they are hardly known for their variety. Whole Foods is like a regular-sized grocery store, but, you know, beautifully organic and full of free sample stations. Plus, they don’t allow any artificial flavors, artificial colorings or high fructose corn syrup in the products they carry.

IKEA
You can imagine the killing an IKEA would make in a college town like Bloomington. The hordes of freshmen moving here would flock to the gloriously inexpensive Swedish furniture store to furnish their dorms. Not to mention the upperclassmen looking to fill their homes and apartments. IKEA is Hoosiers’ only hope of making our living quarters as modern and space efficient as possible. Not to mention the endless fun that would come from spending an otherwise boring Sunday trouncing around the mock kitchen and living rooms.

— opinion@idsnews.com
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