Keep your sex life to yourself

For the second time since coming to IU, I had to sit through a lecture completely dedicated to sex.

Among almost 400 students I sat and took notes while a guest lecturer talked on and on about the history and effects of pornography like she was talking about the development of the television.

And as I’ve actually sat through a lecture on the development of the television, I can tell you the levels of attention and awkwardness were unparalleled.

Maybe it’s immature of us, but when we heard the speaker say “titty fucking,” we were hooked. We closed Facebook and Pinterest, paused our European hockey games. We laughed and snickered like children.

And then the lecturer started asking personal questions. She began asking if any of us watched porn. She wanted to know if we bought magazines or watched it online. She wondered about the first time we ever saw porn.

No one raised their hands. No one wanted to confess their experiences with porn.
It wasn’t until half way through the class that a very small number of people began raising their hands, and even fewer were willing to speak. I was relieved.

As much as sex is exploited in college culture, I was genuinely glad to find there is one aspect of it that people don’t want to brag about in public.

Maybe I’m a prude with an old woman’s soul, but I don’t like talking about sex and I don’t like hearing about it without a good reason.

I understand the benefits of talking about sex. With your partner it makes the experience more comfortable and prevents misunderstandings. When parents talk to their kids about sex it actually encourages them to wait. And in schools, teachers
have the chance to inform students on how to prevent STDs and unplanned pregnancy.
But some people take these benefits too far and suddenly they’re talking about their sex life in the middle of Starbucks with a group of strangers.

With women in particular, sex talk seems to be used as a feministic ploy. There has been a double standard for years between men and women when it comes to sex. Where a single man on the prowl may be praised for his sexual behavior, a woman is shamed unless she’s married.

But the playing field is evening out, perhaps due to the increased number of discussions. And that’s great.

However, there is something called manners. There are things you talk about in public, and things meant to be private between your family or close friends.

I don’t need to know about the personal experiences of people benefiting from talking about sex. I don’t want to know who you’re kissing, licking or humping.

I don’t care what porn you’ve been watching. I have about as much interest in your sex life as in your bowel movements — which is none, because it’s personal, disgusting and needs to be kept to yourself.

My point is that in this progressive college world we are currently stuck in, it’s OK to be conservative about some subjects.

Not everything needs to be shared, and sex is one of them.

­lnbanks@indiana.edu
@LexiaBanks