The depressing state of Indiana

It isn’t easy being a Hoosier.

We’ve all known this for a while, but no worries because now it’s official.

Health Magazine released a list of the 10 most depressing states in the U.S., and Indiana made the cut.

So in light of our appearance on the list, the Editorial Board has composed a list of possible reasons Indiana is such a miserable place to live.

What in the actual hell is a Hoosier?
Identity is important to living a happy life. So please, somebody tell us what a Hoosier is already.
Yes, we are proud to be Hoosiers. But we’re left scratching our heads and letting a long trail of “Uhhhhh” drip out of our mouths when asked what exactly we are.
All we got is this weirdly ambiguous and backwoods mascot with no true identifier.

No gay weddings
No, HJR 6 hasn’t become law so technically same-sex marriage is not yet constitutionally banned in Indiana, but same-sex couples still cannot be married here. We can all agree a few gay weddings are just the ticket to perk up our depressed population.

We can’t buy alcohol on Sunday
Because apparently it’s still the prohibition era every time the end of the week rolls around, Hoosiers can’t buy alcohol on Sunday. Even worse than not being able to buy alcohol on Sunday, you usually won’t remember it until you’re looking down the blocked liquor aisle at Kroger.

Sunday was made for drinking alcohol and eating Chick-Fil-A, but it seems the powers that be want us to have no joy on Sunday.

Obesity
It’s rather self-explanatory, but we’re a pretty fat state. 31 percent of our population is obese. We want everyone to love the skin they’re in and celebrate their curves, but there’s a difference between healthy and unhealthy.

President Benjamin Harrison
Our country’s 23rd President is the only one whose home state could be considered Indiana, and he didn’t even move here until he was 21. But it’s not like anyone even knows who the guy is or what he did for our country.

Just one more strike against the crossroads of America.

The KKK
You don’t see practicing Klan members running around in broad daylight today, but our state has a pretty rich history when it comes to grand dragons or whatever they call themselves.
D.C. Stephenson, who was once a powerful political figure in our state, was integral in organizing and recruiting for the Klan during the 20th century. So obviously, that’s depressing.

The weather
Just go look outside.


We’re most famous for race cars
Every year, thousands of people flock to Indianapolis for the Indy 500, one of the biggest sporting events in the country.

Those people drink, eat, pour a ton of money into our economy and then leave. They probably didn’t know they were in Indiana. They probably couldn’t even find Indiana on a map.

Our best city is fictional
Everybody knows the best city in Indiana is Pawnee. But unfortunately, Pawnee exists only on NBC’s “Parks and Recreation.”

Imagine how much better our state would be if Leslie Knope marched into the Indiana Legislature and starting running it like the boss she is.

Then maybe Hoosiers would have something to be
proud of.

­— opinion@idsnews.com
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