Tailgate-gate

Sprawled across my bed, under my covers, my eyes remain closed. Though I have a column due Thursday, I avoid writing it for a few more seconds.

While procrastinating, I hear my phone chime. I roll over, and see I have been mentioned on Twitter by a friend in a sorority.

She lets me know that “of course the IDS is hating on greek life.”  

All of the junk food I’ve recently eaten sloshes around in my system, but I rise out of bed, unaware of the brouhaha I am about to wade into.

“Your attempt to stereotype the entire greek community is disgusting and offensive. I’d say I’m surprised, but I’m not. #IDS,” adds another tweeter, the greek rage having already set in.

Because I’m a member of the Indiana Daily Student staff, some might think I feel pressured to defend the newspaper. Nothing could be farther from the truth. If there was a staff party, I wouldn’t know three people there.

In preparation for the party, I would binge drink to ignore my worries about real journalism students’ judgment and retain my confidence.

I don’t feel “objective and unbiased” until I am eight shots in.

I read Nathan Brown’s article, “Another Drunken Saturday,” slowly, and confusion began to set in. I manage to pull up my Twitter, and fire off a couple of tweets in response to my greek friend. I soak in the strife.

“Why are they mad?” a roommate asks. “The fact that she’s greek is totally incidental to the article. He doesn’t say anything bad about greeks. He’s in a frat!”

“If you argue with greeks, don’t let logic get in the way,” I say, using the toilet as a chair.

I open two tabs on Google Chrome and take turns looking between the two. In the first, I search for information about greek life at IU. College Magazine ranks IU No. 1 for greek life.

“Our greek life ... just runs the entire campus,” a greek says.

I beg this question of the greek system: why the persecution complex? Do you deny that there are any fair criticisms to be made — even though, again, this wasn’t one — of the greek system?

I think thou doth protest too much, brah.

The second tab is Total Frat Move, to see if the outrage is a command from the Greek Hivemind.

But nay: “I also don’t take this article as an attack on the greek system, as many IU greeks are apparently taking it. Calm down guys.”

Why the angry reaction?

I’d totally flash my tits for an explanation right now.

— shlumorg@indiana.edu
Follow columnist Luke Morgan on Twitter @shlumorg.