Becoming straight

People are constantly concerned about how gay people “become gay,” or how, so often, gay men universally aestheticize themselves with their community. That is, the stereotype of loving musical theater, Judy Garland, Hillary Clinton, all things platinum, etc.

Often it seems that gay people are “initiated” into a gay community. When they come out, they unwillingly enter the world of sassy drama, Grindr and Meryl Streep movies. I’ll admit, it is puzzling, but in assessing this, it’s important to note two things.

1. Not all gays are like this. As I’ve said before, the gay community is divided into much more than just LGBT. We comprise cultures and subcultures, some of which hate divas, some of which are in fraternities, some of which will never wear a smidge of pleather in their entire lives.

2. Just because we gays “construct” an identity does not mean heterosexual people are any less prone to unwillingly “constructing” the subjective expression of their orientation — the one they feel obligated to fill.

What I mean is this: As a straight person, it is important to have a clear understanding of what you do and why you do it. It’s important to make sense of your own bodily feelings, emotions and reactions to others so someone else doesn’t do it for you.

When you pick up a baseball bat, most do it because they love baseball, right? There exists a fraction of a population of men who do so because they feel obligated to the world of sports. For example, me in sixth grade.

Figure out where your heterosexualities come from. Make sure you’re doing them because you want to, not because someone told you to.

Why do you wear make-up? Why do you wear polos? Why do you drink this kind of beer? Why do you like cars? Why do you listen to Dave Matthew’s Band? Why on earth did you buy that Indiana zip-up fleece jacket at T.I.S.?

You have more agency in the fluidity and changeability of your likes and dislikes than you’re willing to admit. The institution of compulsory heterosexuality is narrowly defined and can be just as inhibitory as us stereotypical fashion-savvy, Cher-loving homos.

I had the lovely opportunity to be on a panel of LGBT speakers at the Harmony School, answering questions for some middle schoolers. One kid had asked why we dress the way we dress — why some gay guys like short shorts and some lesbians like plaid.

I laughed, and as the lesbian on our panel explained why she doesn’t like to wear make-up anymore, I told them that one day, I just started walking over to the women’s clothing section. No one told me to.

That day I was wearing a denim shirt, but I spent that night in a women’s tank top and metallic silver jorts. Some days I’ll watch the basketball game, and others I’ll check out the new Ryan Gosling movie.

Let’s reconstruct how we “become” anything. “Gay” and “straight” have become so scripted that sometimes I don’t even know why I’m doing the things I’m doing. Question your volitions, and never hold back.

­— ftirado@indiana.edu