So why marriage?

You’ve seen the red and pink equals signs littering your Facebook newsfeed. People across the country are switching their profile pictures to support marriage equality on the days of the Supreme Court arguments regarding Prop 8 and the definition of marriage across the U.S.

While courtroom drama and legal jargon are not my forte, I still listened to the hour-long audio recordings of arguments taking place in the Supreme Court, and have few things to say about the ordeal.

Popular opinion speaks for itself. Times are changing. We’re on the right side of history.

But what strikes me most are gay voices against the institution of marriage. From the queer side of things, there is and always has been a tide of people rejecting the gendered binaries and systematic pairing.

They say marriage is a sham, conforming to heteronormative restraints. “Against Equality,” some say.

I’m essentializing their view, and I urge you to read up on their valuable point. But is friendly fire worth it at this moment in history?

I have admittedly grown more apathetic during the past year about getting married. I believe the politics of inclusion continue to subordinate us, and frankly, I actually doubt I’ll marry either way. But I’d like to consider it an option.

Civil unions and the like, whether you want them or not, render us second-class citizens. You’re standing in a line, and there’s a man handing out free boxes of Honey Nut Cheerios. When he gets to you, he hands you the off-brand. You’ve gotta admit, you’re wondering why you have the substandard version of what everyone else has.

Because of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), 1,138 benefits, rights and protections provided on the basis of marital status in Federal law are currently denied to us.

In a singular, historic moment, LGBT lives are being reconsidered on the basis of federal recognition, and these rights are once again attainable.

The institution of marriage is mainstream, and monogamous relationships are not for everyone. But some still want them.

Some people want the same chance as everyone else­—the same chance to have a subpar honeymoon, to hate their mother-in-law, to get tired of leftovers for dinner, to raise a kid that absolutely hates them. This is our risk to take.

It’s a stepping stone into getting more and more of what we deserve. We have our foot in the door here, so let’s not take it out. I’ve learned unity is essential.

I worked for the Human Rights Campaign last summer, fundraising on the streets. Yes, I was that guy. I worked four solid months, and you’d think that the majority of my harassment would come from bigots and grumpy business men.

But honestly, most of my aggressors were gay. Whether they’d stop to tell me about the downfalls of the HRC, tell me that I was transphobic, misogynistic, on the wrong side of the movement, barking up the wrong tree, angry with the method, the logo or my particularly favorite response: “I support equality, but not you.”

I’m not one to defend the HRC, but if I was fighting for just marriage, I wouldn’t have been out in the sun, on the streets of Chicago 40 hours a week.

It’s more. It’s a stepping stone for one subcutlure of the LGBT community. With more to come. Our president said:

“If you’re willing to reach up and close the gap between what America is and what America should be, I want you to know that I will be right there with you.”

And if you fight with me now, I’ll join you too when your moment comes.

­— ftirado@indiana.edu