The Oscars Drinking Game

Got extra alcohol lying around? Play our drinking game to make the broadcast more exciting. Don’t feel the need to follow every rule (unless you want a wicked hangover).

RED CARPET
Drink when:

Someone completely irrelevant to the Oscars is there and being interviewed (Oprah, probably)Someone changes the subject and doesn’t answer the interviewer’s question at all.

Someone is wearing a piece of jewelry worth more than your college education.

Someone calls a famous designer a “dear friend.”

An interviewer asks an actress what her workout is like.

Drink twice when:

An interviewer asks a male actor about his acting background directly before or after asking a female actor about her workout.

Finish your drink when:

A wardrobe malfunction occurs. This is a classy event, people.

CAMERA CUTS
Drink every time the camera cuts to any of the following celebrities, frowning:

Leonardo DiCaprio
Quentin Tarantino
Ben Affleck
Tommy Lee Jones
Joaquin Phoenix
Taylor Swift (because of a joke aimed at her)
George Clooney

ONSTAGE
Drink when:

Someone points at God and looks upward when they reference him.

Someone tries to make a passé joke about how their kids should be asleep but are probably watching.

An actress has difficulty walking up the stairs because of her dress.

Music starts playing over someone’s speech. Keep drinking until they stop speaking.

Someone has trouble pronouncing a French name from L’Amour.

“Family Guy” makes its way into the ceremony.

One of Seth McFarlane’s jokes totally bombs.

MacFarlane makes a bad, racist joke.

MacFarlane makes an Osama Bin Laden joke.

There are two or more people onstage together who have previously played superheroes. There are a lot of them. Take as many drinks as there are superheroes.

The camera cuts to Meryl Streep.

Someone mispronounces Quvenzhané Wallis (kwuh-VEN-jah-nay).

Quentin Tarantino wins anything at all (it probably won’t happen).

There’s a standing ovation. Continue drinking until the audience sits down. If one surly person refuses to stand (we’re looking at you, Chris Brown), finish your drink.