Make a sensible shoe choice

Weekends are a beautiful thing. We get a break from the classes we want to skip and don’t have to see the professors we think can’t teach.

They also provide a chance to see girls wearing shoes they can’t walk in.

I’ll admit it. I’m a people-watcher. I silently critique what people are wearing and make up their life stories. The best place to do this? Out at the bars.

Unless you’re a member of the basketball team or besties with a bouncer, you stand in line waiting to pay cover and receive your stamp. While waiting in line, you see them teeter toward Kirkwood Avenue from all parts of town.

Some try to power-walk through the pain while others make no attempt to hide their suffering.

Inside the bar, their balance deteriorates from wobbly, to weary, to wary. These girls must forget how many bars have stairs. You won’t see the Hoosier Room at Nick’s without opening yourself up to a quick quad workout. You can’t snag a roomy booth on the top floor of Kilroy’s Bar and Grill without tackling the stairs.

No complaints from me, as I’d be headed across Kirkwood for tacos or pizza anyway, but I’m truly baffled by the number of troopers that limp their way over.
If you find it necessary to make a fool of yourself, by all means, please do so. That’s the beauty of America. We have few laws that limit your ability to make poor decisions. However, those of us who make sensible shoe decisions would appreciate a few common courtesy rules.

Publicly declaring that your feet hurt won’t get you sympathy from me, so keep those comments to yourself. Think you’ll get to cut lines at the bar or bathroom? Good luck.

Perhaps you think the guys will come flocking to date you because of your irresistible shoes.

I’m not saying all heels are off-limits — just make sure you can walk.

May I recommend taking the ankle boot route? Thick heels, stylish shoes and they keep your feet warm. Another popular choice? The wedge. A gradual slope, it’s a much more commute- and drink-friendly heel option.

So ladies, as you’re getting dressed throughout the weekend, remember “the higher the heels, the lower the expectations.”

— johnsbri@indiana.edu