The verdict is out once again in regard to the age-old question of whether straight men and women can really be “just friends.”
According to a study cited in Scientific American last week, new research suggests although “we may think that we’re capable of being ‘just friends’ with members of the opposite sex,” romantic encounters are “often lurking just around the corner, waiting to pounce at the most opportune moment.”
This study brought 88 undergraduates into a lab and went through several steps to determine whether these supposedly platonic friends had deeper, unspoken feelings lurking beneath the surface.
Ultimately, researchers determined men were more attracted to their female friends than women were to men, and men consistently overestimated how much their female friends were attracted to them.
In contrast, women were much more likely to underestimate how attracted their male friends were to them.
This concept has been explored and beaten to death in just about every medium in American culture, from “When Harry Met Sally” to the pages of every teenybopper magazine since the beginning of time.
Call me naïve, but I sincerely believe heterosexual men and women, even those as hormone-ridden and single-minded as undergraduate college students, can absolutely maintain healthy and productive platonic relationships without the burdens of romantic or sexual desire.
As a straight woman, I feel very privileged to have a wide circle of friends that includes several straight men, many of which are both delightful to be around and physically attractive.
I, like many other people, also enjoy ice cream. It is fantastic and can brighten the gloomiest of days.
When I walk into an establishment like Hartzell’s or Jiffy Treet, I notice a plethora of different flavors and combinations to choose from, many of which sound delicious. It’s often hard to choose which sounds best, but I can rule out many from the start.
With time and contemplation, it becomes apparent there is a very small selection of ice creams I deem worthy of spending my hard-earned minimum wage on.
This isn’t to say the other ice creams aren’t just as fantastic.
I’m simply not interested in using them to satisfy my ice cream needs.
I hope any men reading this won’t find this ice cream analogy degrading. That’s not my intent.
I simply mean to illustrate a point: Even in a student body tens of thousands of highly attractive people strong, I do not consider the majority of those people as potential partners, even if they are attractive, delightful and on speaking terms with me.
I understand, as the study points out, men and women are hard-wired differently.
Certain biological differences make our perception of interactions distinct.
However, part of getting older is developing the restraint and emotional maturity to realize what you want out of your relationships.
Despite our differences, I don’t think straight men are any less capable than women of utilizing logic and thorough decision-making skills to draw distinctions between platonic friendships and friendships with the potential to become something more.
After the movie “(500) Days of Summer” came out, a quote from the movie began to circulate on the Internet.
“A guy and a girl can be just friends, but at one point or another, they will fall for each other ... maybe temporarily, maybe at the wrong time, maybe too late, or maybe forever.”
It’s a lovely sentiment, but I must respectfully disagree.
Some relationships do originate from platonic relationships, yes.
But not all of us are meant to fall for each other, and not all of us do.
If we did, our lives would likely look like a mess straight out of an episode of “Dawson’s Creek.”
The sooner we hopeless romantics can accept this and stop putting enticing notions like this up on a pedestal, the happier and more personally fulfilled we will be.
— kabeasle@indiana.edu
