The first summer I spent at home after going away to college was depressing and disorienting, to say the least.
I failed to get the internship I had been counting on, wasn’t taking summer classes and had few friends left in my hometown.
In addition to that, reverting from an independent, dorm-room dynamic back to family-style living proved to be a challenge.
It was an overachiever’s nightmare come true. I felt aimless and devoid of purpose, so much so that I began to see a therapist to help me sort through all of the darkness that seemed to be consuming me.
The first question my therapist asked me in our sessions was who I liked to spend time with during my free time and who I usually opened up to when I experienced bad thoughts.
I responded immediately. Of course, it was my tender, loving then-boyfriend. Not only was he tolerant of my moodiness and unpredictability, but he actively made me feel better. He made me laugh, and he made me feel relevant and purposeful.
My therapist gave me some advice at that moment that I wish I had taken more to heart at the time.
She told me that while it’s good to have a solid, healthy and romantic relationship, there is no guarantee it’ll be there forever.
What’s really important, she said, is to have a reliable circle of friends who you trust and can have fun with to give you validation and build memories with.
I had always loved my friends and valued them, but the heart of her message was one that I had completely skipped during my freshman year of college.
One of the best parts of having the privilege of going away to college is the opportunity to find a new family, one that is formed not by blood ties, but by house shows, basketball games and late-night runs to the Village Pantry.
When my then-boyfriend and I disbanded, I was something of a wreck. My therapist’s words rang true with me throughout the whole debacle.
As I acted out in ways that would disturb any rational person, there were three or four friends that stuck with me, not just for a couple bad nights, but during the course of several months. I’m a sensitive person.
Of course, I appreciate my family and close childhood friends who supported me and continue to support me through whatever obstacles come my way. Those ties are precious and irreplaceable.
But there’s something distinctly special about the people you come across in college that are willing to share not only in your late night pizzas and foolish drunken escapades, but also in your lowest moments of angst and self-doubt.
Even if I didn’t see it at the time, every tearful conversation, every song shared and every hug exchanged between my IU friends and I during the hard times last year made me stronger and now make the good times even sweeter.
I’ll never understand how during the course of a short four-year education, such amazing people can come out of the woodwork that is a Big Ten university to help shape your identity and help you find your way.
But I do know one thing.
Every day, I’m thankful for them.
— kabeasle@indiana.edu
